Saturday, October 22, 2011
Ok. So I suck at Blogging. Truly suck. I have good intentions. I think "WOW! I am so going to blog that" and then I never do. I tried making my kids individual emails to send them my thoughts and memories. I can't do that either. I could say I'm too busy. But truth is I'm lazy and unmotivated. But then Erik had THE NERVE to go and start a blog. This pissed me off. Why? I have no clue but it did. It was like calling me out for being a lazy ass.
So I'm gonna show him. I'm going to blog. The problem is I feel like I have to go back and fill in all that I have missed. I know I don't. But my OCD says I do. So if your bored (and if you are reading my blog you must be) feel free to troll it for oldies but goodies.
Monday, June 6, 2011
So today started like shit. I woke up late. I had nothing to wear. I arrived tardy to work only to find a major crisis. Boo.
Luckily, I had scheduled an appointment with a new counselor who would console and understand me. I drive downtown and confused by the one way streets get lost. I find the building and the only parking is on the street. Parallel parking. Everyone knows I can not parallel park. Another reason it eats shit to drive in Seattle.
So I find a "near" by parking lot. 12$ for less than an hour. No elevator. No stairs. 5th floor in heels, then straight up 3 blocks. I obviously arrived late. It was immediately apparent that we were not a good match and agreed to not work together. I left feeling defeated and trudged back to my car.
My car which I smashed the driver side mirror in a tearful attempt to back up a steep hill and deposit a stupid token in a box. A smart girl would have put the car in park, climbed out the passenger walked the 50 steps up the hill, deposited and left. But obviously I am not that girl.
Nearly 500$ for a new mirror and instillation. It's not possible to drive here missing a side view mirror.People drive like utter and complete morons, causing me to be in a constant state of what would not even begin to be described as panic. So, it's fixed tomorrow am and I pray they don't cash the check for a few days.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
|Ava on the Bus|
Today we decided to get out of the house and enjoy a day without rain. We loaded up the "littles" and jumped the bus to the Folk Life Festival at the Seattle Center. The teens less than politely declined to attend, with eyes rolls and looks of disgust. Psssshhhhhh. what's wrong with a little folk in your life???
Next was on too food which there was plenty of! Any thing from Africa, deep friend PB&J (my personal fave) and giant ears of corn. I also feel in love with organic booze filled chocolates. YUM
|Elephant ears as big as your head|
|MMMM with butter and Parmesan|
|Delish with extra butter and pepper|
- Luckily after some begging and bribery Amonte picked up the littles and Erik and I enjoyed a round in the beer garden. Luckily I had my cute hat since the temps had dropped dramatically. We finished off with some yummy Ethiopian food and African tea. Took the bus home and enjoyed the peace of a sleeping house. Heaven.
|Beer Garden and cute hat!|
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
It's cold. It's rainy. It's dark. It's nearly June. If one more person tells me "Summer's here are amazing"....meaning the month of July...I'm going to cut a bitch.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
All of the local schools participate in one way or another. The boys school has a unicycle troupe. Yes a unicycle troupe. In the 3rd grade unicycle training begins. Thankfully they get helmets.
Anyway I rushed out of work early to beat the traffic and make it to the party. I quickly realized I left my purse at home so we scrounged up quarters, loaded my tote bag and headed to the bus stop. Slight detour because bus route IS the parade route but we made it just in time.
The parade had all the usual. Bands, flags, a large number of clowns, a pancake brigade chasing giant pancakes with skillets. Awesome right?
At the end of the day we waited with a friendly drunk man who shouting "everyone is Norwegian today!!!". And I think we did feel a wee bit Viking.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Erik's wife passed away one year ago today. We began dating twelve days later. I never really looked at it like that...in days...in hours until today. Maybe I deserve the harsh criticism and judgement that I have endured. Maybe it was "too soon". Maybe the heart has no rules for mourning.
It's not as if I was waiting in the wings. Nothing of the sort. Twenty four years ago I was Erik's first date. We went out once and saw each other perhaps a dozen times over the years. September of last year he friended me on facebook and I accepted. I admit to stalking his profile and pictures, remembering the sweet boy who barely had the courage to hold my hand at the movies. I noted that he was married and that some of the messages on his wall spoke of tragedy. We occasionally commented on each other's status updates. Life went on.
One night, in early December I messaged him on facebook and we struck up a quick and easy conversation. He told me of his wifes death. Perhaps he mentioned when. I don't know. All I can recall is thinking "recent".
We began texting and chatting everyday. All day and night. We made a date for December 11. I knew that I should cancel. I knew that if I went there would be no turning back. My soul wanted him. My heart needed him. The red string of fate pulling us closely together, regardless of place, time or circumstance. My true soul-mate.
In a few days it will be our one year anniversary. And every year I will be extremely grateful to a much loved woman for having the grace to send him to me. For knowing that he would be destructive alone. For wanting him to be loved. For giving him a free heart.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Being new to the area and far from family it has been important to us to create holiday traditions for the kids. Under the advice of locals we decided to take the little kids to Seattle to do all the festivities at the Seattle Center and the Christmas Tree Lighting in Westlake Center
Maybe a little overly excited we left the house around eleven. With surprisingly little traffic we were in Seattle by noon. We started at the Seattle Center which was being heralded as a "winter Wonderland". Ummmm...not so much. The kids rode some carnival rides. We watched a giant toy train. That was it for the Seattle Center. So we hopped the monorail (Seattles "nontransportation") and headed to Westlake. Which we were horrified to find out was a MALL. ON BLACK FRIDAY. Luckily the lighting was outside but we had HOURS to kill.
So the kids rode the giant carousel. And we headed of in search of reasonably priced food suitable for children. Luckily just as we were about to get sucked into the hour plus wait at the Cheesecake Factory a kind homeless gent pointed us in a better direction for a small tip. And let me tell you he was not wrong. The Taphouse with 160 beers on tap, Wikki Stix's instead of crayons and food for every taste and appetite. The true pleasure though was not the delicious salmon burger or cold ale....but the fact that my children were pure angels. *sigh*
When we could no longer amuse the kids with Wikki Stix's and wit we headed out into the rain. With my mad shopping skills we managed to purchase Peyton and Cade winter coats that met all of their criteria in record time and at cheapie prices. Feeling successful we headed over to the lighting to get a seat, a wet seat. Erik and Peyton suffered the nearly 40 minute Starbucks line for warm drinks. The rest of us watched homeless people get escorted off.
The tree lighting was slated for 5:00. After an hour of waiting in the cold and rain we were ready. Ahhhh. Trickery. The TALK started at 5:00. The Mayor was there, he got booed. Music was played. Carols were sung. There was some dancing in the streets. 5:45 tree lighting. Followed by giant Macy's star lighting. And then fireworks!!!! (Actually 2 minutes of flares being shot into the foggy night.)
We swam through the huge crowd to the bulk candy store where everyone got a scoop of their choice. Back on the monorail-standing this time which was highly impressive. And home to bed. All pleased. And warm.
Maybe the Terrorists did act up. Maybe they did whine. Or name call. Or complain. But to me the memory of today is something out of The Sound of Music. Where my children can pronounce and sing Feliz Navidad in harmony. It's my memory. I can make it what I want.
Friday, November 26, 2010
This was my first holiday away from home. Ever. This was also the first holiday ever that I had to cook. I'd like to say that all went well.....
Andrea and I decided to join our families together for one giant holiday festivity. This had been of great debate as there is NO love loss between Andrea's daughter, her boyfriend and I. I was assigned desserts and bread. No problem right? Except I have a baking complex. My mom is THE BEST baker and I was pretty certain nothing I could make would compare. So I agonized over my menu and came up with a spread that I felt could please everyone.
Thanksgiving day I woke up extremely homesick and incredibly unsure of myself. I began baking. In my usual way....making a huge mess, misreading recipes, tossing stuff out, starting over, fighting back tears. But I managed to keep it some what together and success seemed possible.
Then my "friends arrived". I remained completely silent. But the general unpleasantness sent me to the basement in tears. I spent the remainder of the afternoon watching discovery and moving things in and out of the oven. By dinner they had left...but so had my appetite.
I tried to make my mom's sweet potatoes and they were an epic fail. Nothing tasted or looked the same. My family wasn't there. Apparently my food was adequate though and nobody died from accidental poisoning.
We ended our evening by taking the kids to see Harry Potter. For the first time that day I didn't feel alone. There in a huge theater surrounded by my bickering, seat kicking, complaining kids....I felt loved. And I think that maybe next year...if I have to.....I can do it again.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
I have to admit when we moved from Michigan I gave very little thought to the children's school. I knew that my friend had chosen an area known to have an excellent education system. I knew we were moving from one that was marginal. I was happy that they would be getting a better education. I was sadly unprepared for the fallout. And things aren't as I had hoped or expected.
Ava stared preschool less than a 1/4 mile from our home. Yeah, for convenience. Boo, for paying double what I did in Michigan. The preschool is not associated with a school district. Apparently thats not how it works here. In a 3 hour period she has snack AND lunch. She paints. She colors. She sings songs. No letters. No writing. No journal. Its like a pricey day care. The teacher is condescending and her daughter who also attends is one of the "mean girls". Ava is not making friends (which was not a problem last year) and spends all of her "free time" in the pretend area. I would love to switch her to a Montessori school but the cheapest I can find is $400...and that is with a scholarship :(
Cade has been lucky. He did two years in preschool and then young fives. He was more than well prepared for 1st grade. He is in the highest math/reading group and aces his spelling tests. He has a teacher who is very interactive and does lots of cool projects with them. He is making friends slowly...but as usual has all of the girls chasing him around the playground.
Peyton is having the opposite experience. His teacher MS. K (not MRS. "I am NOT married to my father"). Is an older teacher (mid 50's) who is extremely attractive (no doubt in part to an excellent face lift). Peyton's first complaint was that they got "demerits" for having to go to the bathroom during class. Then the homework started coming home. Hours of homework that it was obvious Peyton did not get. Open house night I stood waiting patiently to schedule an appointment with her for nearly 30 minutes while she bitched to another parent about how much she missed the Arizona weather and hated Washington. When I finally got a chance to speak with her she say's in front of Peyton "I'm so glad you came. Peyton isn't doing well at all". Nice. I refrained from slapping her and politely requested and scheduled a meeting for the next week.
On the morning of our meeting she spent the first 15 minutes complaining once again about the Washington weather, the lack of school budget and how she really didn't have time to spend on kids in her class who require extra attention. She also bitched that they were rolling out a new reading program and she just didn't know how she was going to manage it. While reading over some of Peyton's math word problems she stated " I don't even care if the kids can pronounce the names. I mean this is America. Why don't they use names like Amy or Cindy". Mind you she has 2 non English speaking children in her, several who English is a second language and many whose parents speak no English at all.
She then went on to tell me how thankful she was that she didn't have children. That she loved being able to get up at 4 am. Enjoy her tea and paper. Take a long hot shower. Slather herself in lotion and "put her face on". By now totally disgusted and at the END of my patience I asked for the third time...but loudly "HOW CAN I HELP MY SON????". To which she replied "Peyton is a pretty boy. And everyone loves pretty boys. He will get by fine". ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????? Luckily for her the school counselor came in at the moment to let her know that the missing mom of a fellow classmate had been found...dead. I left feeling frustrated and overwhelmed and deeply sad for Peyton's classmate.
I called the school later that week and requested to speak to the school counselor. I tried to be cautious in my description of our meeting...but requested that Peyton be evaluated for assessment of his needs. While she was very polite and helpful I have yet to hear back from her.
*** Note NO pics here. High School boys are too cool for first day pics***
The high school for Amonte and Eli has not been any more impressive. It took me # days to get them registered. I had to go to the school twice and left numerous messages with the registrar before I finally told them to just got to school and see what would happen. 2 unanswered emails and phone calls to Eli's band teacher. 3 unanswered emails and phone calls to the year book manager to find out what format Amonte's senior picture needs to be submitted in. The pic is taken. Due next week and I have no clue if its right.
The school counselor did manage to call and let me know that Eli was failing Algebra and suggested him dropping a class and taking an extensive Algebra assistance class. I agreed. But during their meeting she suddenly recalled that she had a school board meeting and had to rush out. No resolution.
Friday, October 8, 2010
When we reached the park there were several older kids and Peyton was obviously uncomfortable. He quietly begged me to put the camera away and to not "embarrass" him. I agreed , but it hurt inside acknowledging that we were already reaching the age where mom hugs were shameful.
He spent nearly a half hour hanging out around the edge of the bowl...watching...hesitating. Taking it all in. He finally warmed up and begin to ride the hills. Do the jumps. Even impressing some of the big boys. I was so proud of his mad skills. And even more appreciative that he did it without concern of his "uncool bike”.
Peyton who has always been a follower, stepped out of his comfort zone and shined brightly in the grey day.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
One of the downsides about having a large family is that it's hard to have alone time with each individual child. Sometimes I feel like I don't really "know" them the way that I would like to. So decided to give each child a day of their own on the weekend. I rotated and assigned their days on the family calender (our bible) as "Date with Mom".
My first date was with Cade. I chose him to start with because he has total middle child syndrome. He tends to need the most attention and is having the most difficulty with the move. We chose to go to the beach that is about 2 miles from our home.
The walk to the beach is mostly all down hill and absolutely gorgeous. To enter the beach you have to walk under the railroad tracks through a very low spider infested tunnel. And these aren't dainty spiders. They are huge ones with a giant network of webs. Full of succulent little spider feasts. Cade of course was fascinated and we spent quiet a bit of time in the tunnel examining spider culture.
Monday, September 20, 2010
After a long blogging hiatus I planned a new blog:http://loveandscissors.blogspot.com/ But it just didn't feel right. No more running from my past. My failures. My life. I've come Undone is who I am and where I will stay. Love and Scissors will continue but in another format...the dreaded food, craft and design blog. The blog I swore I would never write cause "yawn". But yet I stalk those blogs *hangs head in shame* looking for cheap meals and cool DIY. I can't be the only one. So join me in my new home "the Wonderland". In honor of it's very Alice in Wonderland secret doors, twists and turns. And like my life, I'm sure nothing on here will turn out as planned.Wonderland). Now on to new beginnings.
A little over a year ago my marriage which had long been hanging by a thread unraveled. I planned to relocate my family to Washington but through a series of twists and turns we remained in Michigan. Bought a house. Adjusted. Found love with an amazing man (Erik). But the weight of my failures weighed heavy in the air. Anxious for a fresh start I once again planned our great escape. This time I successfully landed in Edmonds, Washington where wonderful friends welcomed us with open arms.
But the move has not been all rainbows and butterflies. I'm living in a house with 12 other people. I'm raising 5 children alone: Amonte (18), Eli (14...Erik's son), Peyton (8), Cade (7) and Ava AKA Her Majesty (4). I'm jobless, broke, without a car, lonely and totally unfamiliar with the area. I desperately miss my soul mate who was temporarily left behind. I'm counting the days till he arrives. Reminding myself to breathe. Finding my way. And always on the verge of my next breakdown.