In Her Grace

Erik's wife passed away one year ago today.  We began dating twelve days later.  I never really looked at it like that...in days...in hours until today. Maybe I deserve the harsh criticism and judgement that I have endured. Maybe it was "too soon".  Maybe the heart has no rules for mourning.

It's not as if I was waiting in the wings.  Nothing of the sort.  Twenty four years ago I was Erik's first date.  We went out once and saw each other perhaps a dozen times over the years.  September of last year he friended me on facebook and I accepted.  I admit to stalking his profile and pictures, remembering the sweet boy who barely had the courage to hold my hand at the movies.  I noted that he was married and that some of the messages on his wall spoke of tragedy.  We occasionally commented on each other's status updates.  Life went on.

One night, in early December I messaged him on facebook and we struck up a quick and easy conversation.  He told me of his wifes death.  Perhaps he mentioned when.  I don't know.  All I can recall is thinking "recent".

We began texting and chatting everyday.  All day and night. We made a date for December 11.  I knew that I should cancel.  I knew that if I went there would be no turning back.  My soul wanted him.  My heart needed him.  The red string of fate pulling us closely together, regardless of place, time or circumstance.  My true soul-mate.

In a few days it will be our one year anniversary.    And every year I will be extremely grateful to a much loved woman for having the grace to send him to me. For knowing that he would be destructive alone.  For wanting him to be loved. For giving him a free heart.