Change

Once again my blog has been sadly neglected. A casualty in the chaos of my life. I truly appreciate all of the kind e-mails making sure I am ok. I am-in fact-alive.

I had made it a practice not to air my marital dirty laundry on my blog. It seemed rather like a breech of trust. But any confidence I once had in my marriage has been shattered. After nine years, four rounds of counseling and two separations it has come to an end. We are getting a divorce. The children have been told, lines drawn in the sand, hopes for a lasting friendship lost.

I am angry. So very angry and resentful that the man I once loved so deeply would allow his job to become who he is. That he would choose a life of daily drudgery over his family. That he would turn to another woman. But more so I am angry at myself. That I could have been so blind. So stupid. That I once again chose the wrong man.

It is raw. Painful beyond words. I have sobbed until every bone in my body ached. Till I felt I could no longer breathe. Not because I love him...but because my children do. Their hurt confusion is worse than any wounds I have suffered.

But I have to live. I have to get up each day and move forward. Be strong. Even when I feel weak and small. Luckily, I have great friends and family to help me-us-through this. Who understand my desire for a fresh start and are willing to grant me their blessing even if they think I am making a mistake.

And a fresh start is on it's way. The first week of July the kids and I are moving to Seattle. Where we can begin to heal and hopefully blossom. Where the past will become a faint shadow....