And here I am

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I ended up where I needed to be".

Douglas Adams

This is the end

Last week was a crazy, busy, emotional roller coaster. I am dealing with an issue that directly impacts my family but I do not feel is appropriate to share right now. I'm trying to respect the person who "owns the problem". I am generally a non confrontational person (hard to believe huh?) but this has required me to step outside my comfort zone and I am worried that a good friendship is going to be ruined. *sigh* Anyway. I thought I would just do a quick update of last week but there were a few things I feel deserve their own post. Thanks for bearing with me!

Back Off

If you CHOOSE to not participate in making decisions that affect you and your family then you may not under any circumstances criticize, blame, belittle or judge the decision maker or the outcome of any said decision. Enough said.

No June Cleaver

Days like Tuesday, when I left Ava at the sitters knowing she was sick-I wish I could be at home. Days like Wednesday when I left the kids at the sitter and not a single one of them even wanted to kiss me goodbye-I wish I could be at home.

But for the most part I have no desire to be a stay at home mom. I tried it once and it was not pretty. I'm not structured, scheduled or consistent enough. It was total mayhem seven days a week. Nobody ever knew what was coming next, including me. I had all these grand ideas of field trips, crafts and home cooked meals. What I got was not what I had bargained for.

I'm a better mom when I work. I appreciate my time with my kids more. I look forward to days off with them. They have a schedule...a routine...by sheer necessity. No, it's not always easy. Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions. I feel guilty a lot.

I have an awesome sitter and that helps. She is all of the things that I am not. My kids eat well balanced meals and are not learning to swear in five different languages when they are with her. She loves them as much as I do. She cares for them like they are her own. Without her I could not manage. It would be unbearable to be away from them all day and not know that they were completely safe.

I think it's easy for women to judge each other. To criticize another womans decisions. No, I probably don't have to work. We could manage. We would have to do without a lot. Mostly my sanity.

If you know a stay at home mom recognize how difficult her job is. If you know a working mother don't assume she doesn't care about the well being of her kids. If you have an awesome care provider thank her every chance you get and make sure she knows how much you appreciate her!

Curfew Violation

It's 1:15 in the morning. Do you know where your teenager is? Cause I have no freakin clue. Amonte had a date today that fell through. Against my better judgement I let him go out to a teen night club. His dad picked him up at 8:30 and dropped him off there. He was to pick him up. I put minutes on Amonte's phone to be sure I could get a hold of him. No answer on his phone or his dad's. I'm tired of playing on his laptop and want to go to bed. But can I? Umm. No. Not until I know he is home safe and sound.

This had been a pretty good day. Peyton stayed at his friend's house last night. So Cade and I got up early and went to breakfast and then went to one of those "paint your own pottery places". Cade made a robot and I made a cupcake. We had a really nice time and he looked so cute with his new faux-hawk hairdo. He is such a loving and sweet boy when we are alone.

Then we picked up Peyton and came home. Since it is the weekend Peyton was pretty much absorbed in his video games, as was Cade. All of the little ones were asleep by 8. Which left me with a very quiet house! I should have done laundry, paid bills, scrapbooked, cleaned...anything. But I sat on the couch with Amonte's lap top, drank a Coke and listened to music. so very nice and relaxing.

Until now. I'm gonna kick another hole in his ass...as soon as I find him.

Hairy palms and Rosey cheeks

The lovely Tasmania devil Veronica has me thinking about masturbation. Um, not in the way you are thinking ya dirty birds. Although I guess if I were to masturbate there would be worse things to think of...like goats...in purple fancy pants.

Anyway, I'm WAY of course with this. As the mother of 3 boys I am constantly saying: "keep you're hands off that", "what do you have a hold of", "keep the horse in the barn". Boys simply can not keep their hands off that thing. A trait that they apparently never grow out of...but that is another post. Personally I think it has something to do with the trauma ofcircumcision...again another post.

For the most part the boys are happy to play with their inch worms through their undies or in the tub. I can generally redirect them with the above comments. However, I came into the living room last night to find Cade butt ass naked on the couch giving himself a good fondle. Yikes.

I don't want my kids to be embarrassed of their body's or ashamed of their sexuality but I feel there needs to be some limits put on just where and when they can toss one off. I calmly told him that was something he needed to do in his bedroom. He was much too interested in Sponge Bob to go there, so he put on some undies and went back to laughing at barnacle jokes.

How do you keep the U in masturbation at your home...with out it becoming an US?

Get er done

I consider my self to be a feminist-to some degree. I am grateful for the freedoms that the feminist movement has given me. I love that I can vote, equal pay, I don't have to wear a bra (well I do personally..because..yikes) and I can work. But wait maybe I don't want to work. Maybe I want to be a SAHM. However the feminist movement pushed women into the workplace. Then it lied to us all. Men and women alike. "You can have it all!" No you can't. Nobody can truly have it all.

Family's where the mom stays home (or maybe even the dad) usually have to make great sacrifices to make that happen. Women who work outside of the home can not truly give 100% to both family and career. For example in the case of a sick child-some one loses.

I have to work. Quiet frankly there are times when I greatly resent that. As the women's job role in the work force and at home has continued to evolve the mans role really hasn't changed that much. Yes I know some of you are truly blessed with men who are equal partners and whose knuckles don't drag on the ground. But I think for a large majority of women we are still expected to do it all: kids, housework, cooking, finances, health and illness ect. ect. I work all day and when I come home I still have a house to run. I have to admit it is not running very smoothly. I'm failing miserably at all things domestic. I am too freaking tired and so overwhelmed I don't even know where to start.

Of course I also have a bad habit of comparing myself to other people. I wonder "how does she do it all?" Well of course, she doesn't. She has help from outside, maybe from her hubby, her family...a support system. I'm seriously lacking most all of those. So basically the feminist movement gave me some great things. But it also gave me two full time jobs. It fed me the lie that I could do it all. That I could have it all. I bought it. I took on the student loans to build that career. Now I'm trapped. Drowning in work and laundry. Never fully able to give all of myself to anything. Damn Gloria Steinem.

Things that make ya go huh??

• If you are in the hospital telling someone your pneumonia was so bad if you would have waited one more day you would have "died" should you be going outside to smoke?
• How do two FUGLY ass people make an adorable, perfect, angelic looking child? Ah and NO I am not speaking of Mark and I so stop it right now!
• I watched you put two dollars of gas in your car which is about to be parts in an auto salvage yard, go buy smokes-and then come out and turn on a kick ass sound system. Where did ya get those spinners?
• Your 40 and you work at Burger King-not as a manger-and your acting like I'm a dumb ass cause you screwed up my order-again. This is my problem how? *No offense fast food workers. I generally like you. I mean you do feed my offspring on a regular basis*

Jingle Bells Secret Santa Smells

Christmas is right around the corner. I love Christmas. One of the things I love the most is giving gifts. I actually do believe I like to give more than receive (um, that is not true in all aspects of my life!). I already have my list made and have been agonizing over the "right" gift to give. I mean I want to give people what their heart desires.

I know they say "it's the thought that counts" but does it really count if there was no thought involved? I spend a lot of time and effort searching out treasures for others. On Marks side of the family we have a huge name draw every year. I always call and ask what people would like and make every effort to make them happy. Not once has anyone asked me, my hubby or my kids what they would like. Amonte and Cade have ended up with toys that were way too young for them, Ava and Peyton with clothes at least 3 sizes too small, myself bath stuff every year that gives my delicate skin hives and Mark usually just gets stuff he could care less about. I would rather they donated to a charity in our name....anything else really. Do I sound like an ungrateful bitch?

The worst gift I have ever gotten: As a child my "father" sent my brother and I a Christmas gift. It was addressed in a woman's handwriting. The gift labeled for me was clearly a sweater meant for my brother and vise versa. Even though the sweater was beautiful it made me sad whenever I saw it.

The best gift I have ever gotten: Peyton 10 days before Christmas...Amonte 10 days after. Beautiful diamond earrings that were a total surprise on mine and Mark's first married Christmas.

How do you choose gifts? Does just the thought count? What's the best/worst gift you have ever gotten? Am I an ungrateful bitch?

Ears, urine and dog porn

Norm is snoring LOUD. The kids are all asleep. It's 10:15 and I just realized I haven't eaten all day. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open...maybe because Cade was up at 5 am and Ava got up every two hours last night. *Whine*. I will hopefully get to it before next Thursday. I have lots of thoughts swimming in that sea of infoporn. Here's a few cuties from my day:

Peyton-heading off to his room to color: I'm going in my room and nobody come in. Artists need alone time to create. God don't let me find an ear in there.

Ava-whipped off her diaper this am in the kitchen and peed on the floor...in full little boy stance. I think the boys need to shut the bathroom door from now on. Potty training may get confusing.

Cade-Is SOUND asleep holding Ava right now. So freakin sweet. Oh there is also a cat in that mix too.

Amonte-Shit. Where the hell is Monte???

I had some cute pics to post but freakin blogger is being a pain in my ass. Maybe I'll add them later.

Good lord...what do dogs dream about??? I'm thinking Norm's dream is better than the one I had about Tommy Lee last night. How come I made out with Bret and not him?

*Yawn*

Prepare to be bored to death. I truly have nothing of interest to say at this time. I'm tired. It's rainy...which I actually enjoy but everyone else is complaining about. People are being bitchy for no apparent reason and I'm hiding in my office answering phone calls from people who should not be breeding. Any who...I've seen a couple of cool things this week and thought I would share:

• Saturday on our way to soccer at a painful 9 am I saw a woman pushing a grocery cart of food. Following close behind, a child about age 5 was pushing a stroller with a baby in it. They were at least 5 miles from the nearest grocery store...and more than 7 miles from the store whose name was on the cart. It was cold. They were singing songs and smiling. You go girl. It's early am and cold as fuck and here you are with no car taking care of business. Not siting on your ass waiting for any one to do it for you. It made me smile and if I had a bigger car I so would have picked them all up...and bought them hotdogs (long story).
• Yesterday a girl about 10 was standing at the nurses station with tears streaming down her cheeks. She was giddy and shaking. She had just watched her baby sister be born and was in total, sheer amazement.
• A father holding his baby daughter this morning. "She is so freaking cute I can't even stand it"....with tears in his eyes.
• Our local transgender. Scantily glad. Standing at a busy intersection. Hillbilly in truck staring at him..um..her. Transgender stares back. Licks lips. Sucks finger and rubs nipple. Hillbilly nearly crashes truck running light. I spit coke all over the dashboard. Peyton asks tooooo many questions for my comfort.

I think I'll go antagonize someone. Peace out.

My thoughts today...

This morning as I was leaving the school I heard something I haven't heard in years...The Pledge of Allegiance. It got me thinking.

Here is my disclaimer: I may totally piss some people off with this. I welcome your comments though, good or bad...because I am a comment whore.

I started school in PA. The pledge came on over the loud speaker every am and the entire school rose, with their hand over their heart and recited it. My friend Renee and I once had a giggle fit during the pledge and lost recess for a week.

When we moved to MI. there was no pledge at school. No flag day celebrations either. Then today as I was dropping Cade off I heard the pledge coming from a classroom.

My question/thought is...does this pledge contribute to the American way of thinking that we are "the best"...that we are "right"...that we "matter" at any cost?

No, I do not hate America. I just acknowledge that "our way" isn't always the best way. I acknowledge that other cultures have values and belief systems that are kinder and gentler.

There is a whole wave of hatred for America. Do we deserve it? (check out I hate America )
Are we indivisible? Does being so mean we have to support the war...the culture of bigger and better...the "us vs. them" thinking?