Oh Mother

Fifty things I have learned from being a mom. No, you can't take a class either. It is all on the job, hands on training. Try not to be jealous.

1. God made dirt and dirt don't hurt
2. Silence really is golden...but only if they are all asleep
   
3. Infection control
4. The number for poison control
5. First Aid
6. How to make home made play dough
   
7. How to remove neon food coloring from carpet and walls
8. Never to wash and dry bed sheets covered in glitter glue
9. How to change a diaper on an airplane
10. To organize and maintain 6 peoples schedules
11. How to use a nasal aspirator without waking a baby
12. To evaluate any toys potential use as a weapon
13. To judge the number of diaper wipes you will need within 1 before you even open the soiled nappy up
14. Ice removes gum
15. Goo be Gone is a must
16. Never leave the house without nail clippers
17. 10 edible ways to make and serve Kraft Mac N Cheese
18. How to hold a slippery naked toddler in the shower-without breaking your neck
    
19. Cat litter is a choking hazard
20. Purple pedialyte causes neon green poop
21. Amazing things can fit in ears and noses
22. Frozen peas make great ice compresses
23. Box's are awesome Christmas and Birthday gifts
24. If you hear laughter you'd better look
25. Bathtub crayons are not necessarily washable
26. Finding a spider is less frightening then what you may find in pockets
27. Don't take things personally
28. Sleep is a luxury
29. Laugh alot
30. It's over too soon
31. If the phone rings once at 3am-check your teenagers
32. How to remove vomit from berber carpet
33. Chapstick is edible
34. Kisses work better than band aids
35. It's ok to go to bed mad
36. Pick your battles wisely
37. Be careful what you say...it may come back and bite you in the ass
38. How to take care of a car sick toddler at 80 miles an hour
39. You can survive without eating green vegetables
40. It's ok to sleep in your rain boots
41. Worms make good pets
42. Multi tasking is not optional-it's mandatory
    
43. A Magic Eraser can be your best friend
44. Sharpies do not make good eyebrow pencils or lipsticks
45. Toddlers shouldn't shave without supervision
46. Cabbage patch heads will explode if left in a hot dryer too long
47. Security blankets are better when they are stinky
48. Nail polish is hard to get out of hair
49. Pantyliner's are really just giant stickers
50. If you call a cheese stick a cheese sucker they will eat it
    

Happy Mother's Day!!!