Sunday, May 11, 2008

Oh Mother

Fifty things I have learned from being a mom. No, you can't take a class either. It is all on the job, hands on training. Try not to be jealous.

  1. God made dirt and dirt don't hurt
  2. Silence really is golden...but only if they are all asleep
  3. Infection control
  4. The number for poison control
  5. First Aid
  6. How to make home made play dough
  7. How to remove neon food coloring from carpet and walls
  8. Never to wash and dry bed sheets covered in glitter glue
  9. How to change a diaper on an airplane
  10. To organize and maintain 6 peoples schedules
  11. How to use a nasal aspirator without waking a baby
  12. To evaluate any toys potential use as a weapon
  13. To judge the number of diaper wipes you will need within 1 before you even open the soiled nappy up
  14. Ice removes gum
  15. Goo be Gone is a must
  16. Never leave the house without nail clippers
  17. 10 edible ways to make and serve Kraft Mac N Cheese
  18. How to hold a slippery naked toddler in the shower-without breaking your neck
  19. Cat litter is a choking hazard
  20. Purple pedialyte causes neon green poop
  21. Amazing things can fit in ears and noses
  22. Frozen peas make great ice compresses
  23. Box's are awesome Christmas and Birthday gifts
  24. If you hear laughter you'd better look
  25. Bathtub crayons are not necessarily washable
  26. Finding a spider is less frightening then what you may find in pockets
  27. Don't take things personally
  28. Sleep is a luxury
  29. Laugh alot
  30. It's over too soon
  31. If the phone rings once at 3am-check your teenagers
  32. How to remove vomit from berber carpet
  33. Chapstick is edible
  34. Kisses work better than band aids
  35. It's ok to go to bed mad
  36. Pick your battles wisely
  37. Be careful what you may come back and bite you in the ass
  38. How to take care of a car sick toddler at 80 miles an hour
  39. You can survive without eating green vegetables
  40. It's ok to sleep in your rain boots
  41. Worms make good pets
  42. Multi tasking is not optional-it's mandatory
  43. A Magic Eraser can be your best friend
  44. Sharpies do not make good eyebrow pencils or lipsticks
  45. Toddlers shouldn't shave without supervision
  46. Cabbage patch heads will explode if left in a hot dryer too long
  47. Security blankets are better when they are stinky
  48. Nail polish is hard to get out of hair
  49. Pantyliner's are really just giant stickers
  50. If you call a cheese stick a cheese sucker they will eat it
Happy Mother's Day!!!


  1. Happy Mother's Day Zoe!
    Great list :)

  2. The visual I got on #49 made me howl.
    Happy Mother's Day, I hope somebody made you a card.

  3. Man, I love you Zoe. You are hilarious! Happy Mother's Day to you! Hope you had a good one, God knows mine could have been a hell of a lot better!

  4. I've got a similar post to this coming up tomorrow. I'd pay money to watch one of those Cabbage Patch heads blow up (but not as much money as it would probably cost to repair my dryer after the carnage was waged) . . .

  5. LOL. Great list! Hope your day was fantastic. :)

  6. LOL! Awesome list! #41 We just had that discussion on Saturday... they die & the kids never know it, replace it w/ another worm named Herman & it's all good!

  7. I love #45. Hope you had a great Mother's Day.

  8. sweet. you hit it on the head. multiple times. happy mother's day.

  9. Happy Mother's Day!!

    btw...pantyliners as stickers....nice one :)

  10. love, love, love this list. hope you had a great mother's day! you sure as hell deserve it! :)

  11. Hope you had a good Mother's Day Zoe!

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  13. Priceless! I am having a hard time thinking of any ones you may have missed!
    Nope. That's fairly inclusive.

  14. Pretty dead on!! Awesome!!

  15. I have may of these covered and some others you didn't mention! Happy Mother's Day!

  16. Again. You make it all sound so darned FUN!

    Hilarious list. I'll consider myself fairly warned. I've only experienced some of these, and assume the rest will come in time.

  17. Great List, Though I think silence can be scary sometimes, you know there's some no good going on.
    Happy Mother's Day a little late.

  18. I am totally going to try the Cheese stick as a cheese sucker...

  19. I am going to have to agree 100% on the diaper on an airplane. I have a better one - try having an18 month olf with explosive diarrea on a flight from VA to CA. And then think of my mother and I in the bathroom AT THE SAME TIME with Bean changing him. Oh yeah.

  20. I so thought #7 was going to be what color poo turns after eating homemade play doh

  21. Happy (belated) Mother's Day...this was a great post!

  22. i LOVE this list..I have a friend who's pregnant (newly pregnant) and im thinking of printing it out and giving it to her ;)

  23. This is a great list!

    Happy Mothers' Day!

  24. Oh, I love it. Hope you had a nice mother's day!

  25. You're being featured on Five Star Friday:

  26. Hilarious!

    I can relate, except for the Pantyliner's.

  27. Too cute! Love the list. Hope you had a great mothers day!

  28. Where have you been? I am having withdrawals?

    I hope you are all well. Talk to you later.

  29. Wow! You have learned a lot! So, I am wondering... How do you change a diaper on an airplane?


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