Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A letter to my body

Dear Body,

Our relationship started out well enough. We had an easy childhood. Free from complications aside from a total lack of coordination. Then puberty hit. Your sudden hatred for me was appalling. You shot me to my adult height in one summer. You gave me breasts when my classmates only had buds. You brought me my period at the tender age of 11. You unleashed the hatred of my best friend and an entire class of 6th grade girls.

But then I discovered boys. Suddenly I viewed you in a new way. You were a tool. You were power. I abused you. I allowed others to use you. You knew when to say enough. You willed life to grow despite the tiny pills I took religiously to remain barren. You were gentle during my pregnancy. You facilitated an easy birth and a quick weight loss.

Life with you was good. Easy. I cared for you when I wanted. Nourished you as I pleased. You remained thin and strong.

Then 30 came. Three babies in a row. Pregnancies where you punished me for my earlier disregard with unrelenting vomiting, high blood pressure, blood clots, pneumonia. But then in regret you again gave me gentle births and allowed me to nurse my babes from my breasts.

You may forgive but you do not forget. You have refused to let go of the baby weight. You have given into gravity. I'm no longer confident inside you. I'm ashamed of you. I call you names. Belittle you. You are an excuse for my sorrow. You have betrayed me.

And I have betrayed you. I have poisoned you. Neglected you. By degrading you I am slowly killing myself. Striping my eyes of light. Allowing the despair to crush my soul.

I want our relationship to be different. I want to change but I don't know how. Will you help me now? Will you be my partner? My friend? Will you forgive me?

Zoe

*for more letters to my body check out BlogHer

21 comments:

  1. Awww, Zoe...*sniffle*...that was sad. :0( I think I know how you feel, though.

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  2. oh Zoe! that letter was a tough one. Don't be so hard on yourself.

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  3. i just love you...don't i always say that?1 well it's true...and about the nirsing thing, i didn't think it'd be that hard either...sighs..

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  4. seriously cut yourself some slack. sometimes, reconcilations aren't easy but can happen. talk to her see if she'll work with you! i'll be cheering you/her on!

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  5. Sweetie. I feel your pain. That could so be my letter to my body except I would have to add all the bad things I did to my body. It would make yours look like child's play.

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  6. nicely written. i hope you can become friends.

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  7. Now kiss and make up. Girl, I'm sure it isn't all bad. Most of us have body issues. Give yourself and your body a little love, and a hug from me. It was a great post though.

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  8. Our bodies have a hard time forgiving us for the mean things we have done to them (especially the older we get!) Good luck w/ the reconciliation :)

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  9. Oh honey, i could have written that same letter word for word... (except the breast part;{ After 2 kidlets my body would be beautiful if only i were always upside down... gravity has not been the kindest either. But i am finding a way to like... not love ... this new shell i must endure, since it is mine and the damage i see now reminds me of every smile and giggle i hear from my two most special gifts.
    I am a long way away from loving this body again, but the detest i first felt is slowly melting away.

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  10. No matter good, bad, happy or sad.....you have a way with words. But seriously........don't be so hard on yourself!!
    If you want her to, she will forgive you :)

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  11. I could seriously copy and paste this exactly... I totally know how you feel here :)

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  12. I'm feelin ya, sis.
    Great post!
    Now dont hit me, but I done tagged you for a meme.

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  13. OH that was a good post. I hope you and your body make up!

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  14. Great post! It made me look twice at this diet-coke I'm poisioning my body with!!

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  15. So much hate on the post-preggo bodies out there! I love mine and my saggy-boobed self!

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  16. After the babies I don't think it even matters anymore. Be proud in what your body has accomplished!

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  17. ok sooo this has nothing to do with your blog...but when i found it...i immediately thought of you and your sense of humor! ENJOY!

    www.someecards.com

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  18. Zoe, you are always so honest. Most women would hide this, but you put it out there for the world to see. I hope that you can come to peace with your body. I'm not a fan of mine, but I think if we work together, we can be happy together! It just takes a lot of work and dedication. Which is a lot easier said than done! Good luck and I hope all is well with you! Check your mail in the next couple of days, you should be getting something:)

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  19. Zoe this was so lovely and yet so sad that I teared up. I hope you and your body grow to love each other again...

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