Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Pain in the Bitch

As you know I recently celebrated the 9th anniversary of my 29th birthday. At my request Mark purchased two private Pilate's lessons to get me started. Ok, so I purchased them for me from him. Anyway. My first lesson was awesome. I didn't even sweat...which rocks 'cause princesses hate to sweat. But the next day I sneezed and nearly cried my abs hurt so bad. The trainer must have just been trying to lure me in cause she whooped my ass at the second class. As I was being tortured on the reformer I felt a sharp pain in my lower back. But not wanting to look like a wimp-I kept going.

By Saturday night I could barely move. Sunday I couldn't even get off the toilet without help. Monday I was so painful I was nauseated. A trip to the chiropractor and my Dr. confirmed a lovely pinched nerve. I have to see the chiro every day for two weeks and I'm on some delicious drugs. They estimate I will be off work for a week.

Private Pilate's Lessons: $100
Medical Expenses: $200
Time Off Work: $1200
Being Excused From Housework: PRICELESS

Now who wants to come paint my toenails?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I am experiencing major technical difficulties here at the love shack. Basically because my computer sucks like a hangover after a bottle of Brass Monkey. So-I'm stuck sharing
his holiness's
Amonte's laptop. Let's just say he is none to generous with the person who just happened to give him life. I have contest winners to announce shortly.'..even though my first contest was a bust. Apparently I have a lot of Republican readers...um...not that I'm saying it's a bad thing. Anyway-Amonte is having surgery tomorrow so maybe I can snag the laptop while he is stoned. At least he should be weak enough for me to pry it out of his hands!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Next Thing on My List

Today I am 37 years old. Or at least that is what the kidnappers have brainwashed me to believe. Despite having been cursed by early onset puberty-I am reasonably certain that I am considerably younger. If you ask my children they will quickly tell you that I am a lovely 29 years old and that their father is 50. In case there was ever a doubt-they are geniuses.

I would love to write a flowery post about my beautiful day-but the fact is it was spent at medical appointments, plunging a toilet filled with an entire container of Kandoo wipes, cleaning up dog puke and doing a metric ton of laundry. I lead a charmed life.

I recently read this for my book club. Hopefully no one will be completing my list for me.

20 Things to do Before I'm 40

  1. Loose 60 pounds
  2. Have a tummy tuck
  3. Have my breasts put back where nature inteded them to be
  4. Climb a mountain
  5. Fall in love...or back in love...
  6. Feel confident walking into a room
  7. Get a new tattoo
  8. Have a relationship with God
  9. Go on a trip with friends
  10. Swim naked in the ocean
  11. Make someone elses wish come true
  12. Wear a dress
  13. Treat myself-without guilt
  14. Dance in the rain
  15. Play in the muds
  16. Sleep under the stars
  17. Ride a horse
  18. Say yes to my kids all day
  19. Accept love
  20. Do something in Vegas that stays in Vegas

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

A Change of Seasons

I have walked for nearly 10 hours straight. Mostly uphill. My feet are blistered. My face is sunburned. My lips are chapped. I will certainly have a bladder infection after a gallon of water and no bathroom in sight.
I have been cussed at and called foul names. Threatened and intimidated. Chased by pitbulls and loved on by stray cats. I have had deep conversations with half naked men. I have sat in homes where most people would not even consider knocking on the door. I have heard stories of despair told with eyes full of hope. I have held a sick baby closely so his mother could have a voice.
If I swayed just one person today (or in the past few months), if I got just one person to the polls, if I gave one person a feeling of hope....then it has all been worth it.

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