Monday, September 27, 2010

Cade's First Date

One of the downsides about having a large family is that it's hard to have alone time  with each individual child.  Sometimes I feel like I don't really "know" them the way that I would like to.  So decided to give each child a day of their own on the weekend.  I rotated and assigned their days on the family calender (our bible) as "Date with Mom".

My first date was with Cade.  I chose him to start with because he has total middle child syndrome.  He tends to need the most attention and is having the most difficulty with the move.  We chose to go to the beach that is about 2 miles from our home.

The walk to the beach is mostly all down hill and absolutely gorgeous.  To enter the beach you have to walk under the railroad tracks through a very low spider infested tunnel.  And these aren't dainty spiders.  They are huge ones with a giant network of webs.  Full of succulent little spider feasts.  Cade of course was fascinated and we spent quiet a bit of time in the tunnel examining spider culture.

 Once through the tunnel you are faced with an AMAZING view of Puget Sound and the mountains.

So we set out to explore.  We wandered the beach collecting shells.  Finding "wishing rocks" and making wishes out loud while we tossed them over our shoulder into the water.  Cade wished "for Erik to be here soon so we can have a happy family", "for a new bike", "for my mom not to be sad", "for Peyton to eat worms" and "to see a whale".

We found huge pieces of drift wood and made a teeter totter.  Of course he could only go up and I could only stay down.
We talked a lot about his love for animals and his worries about the Gulf oil spill.  He told me "Diving is creepy in those rubber suits. *shudder*  But if I had to do it to help animals I'd be cool with that".  We texted Erik to Google information on barnacles for us.  We laughed.  We held hands.  We snuggled.
We were having a fabulous time.  And then we saw a seagull setting in the sand.  Cade wanted a picture so we walked closer.  He didn't move.  Suddenly the sky turned black and giant birds of all kinds swarmed the sky.  The seagull tried to run and we saw that it had a bloody severed wing.  Cade screamed.  I pulled him back and the other birds began to attack the wounded gull.  We stood stunned. We threw rocks at the other birds and tried to chase them but they were relentless.  Feeling helpless I picked Cade up and carried him away from the scene.  We walked as far as we could the opposite way.  I held him in my lap.  We talked about natures plan.  We cried.  And we snuggled some more.  I let him eat all the kettle corn he wanted.  We threw wishing stones for the wounded gull.  And my heart broke for my sensitive, gentle son.
We started our long walk home.  Uphill.  Uggggg.  And I mean REALLY UP HILL.

We collected giant leaves as big as Cade's head.
He taught me about SLUGS.  Ewwwwwww.
We found the place where we are 100% positive that Edward Cullen sparkles.
Despite natures horror show we had a wonderful day.  I got to enjoy time with the Cade I love (funny, sensitive, gentle, smart and open) and have been missing.  No blow ups.  No screaming. And it lasted all day. I can't wait for my next date with him.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fresh Air

After a long blogging hiatus I planned a new blog:   But it just didn't feel right.  No more running from my past.  My failures. My life.  I've come Undone is who I am and where I will stay.  Love and Scissors will continue but in another format...the dreaded food, craft and design blog. The blog I swore I would never write cause "yawn".  But yet I stalk those blogs *hangs head in shame* looking for cheap meals and cool DIY.  I can't be the only one.  So join me in my new home "the Wonderland".  In honor of it's very Alice in Wonderland secret doors, twists and turns. And like my life, I'm sure nothing on here will turn out as planned.Wonderland). Now on to new beginnings.

A little over a year ago my marriage which had long been hanging by a thread unraveled.  I planned to relocate my family to Washington but through a series of twists and turns we remained in Michigan.  Bought a house.  Adjusted.  Found love with an amazing man (Erik).  But the weight of my failures weighed heavy in the air.  Anxious for a fresh start I once again planned our great escape.  This time I successfully landed in Edmonds, Washington where wonderful friends welcomed us with open arms.

But the move has not been all rainbows and butterflies. I'm living in a house with 12 other people.  I'm raising 5 children alone: Amonte (18), Eli (14...Erik's son), Peyton (8), Cade (7) and Ava AKA Her Majesty (4).  I'm jobless, broke, without a car, lonely and totally unfamiliar with the area. I desperately miss my soul mate who was temporarily left behind. I'm counting the days till he arrives.  Reminding myself to breathe.  Finding my way.  And always on the verge of my next breakdown.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Change is Coming

In two days I will be boarding a plane and saying goodbye to life as I have known it.  I have to admit to heavy second thoughts. I'm not sleeping at all.  My anxiety is over the top. Is my life that bad here?  I have a family.  I have great friends.  I have a job and a home.  It's never too late to change my mind, but my mind is set.  It's my heart that waivers.

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