Cade's First Date

One of the downsides about having a large family is that it's hard to have alone time  with each individual child.  Sometimes I feel like I don't really "know" them the way that I would like to.  So decided to give each child a day of their own on the weekend.  I rotated and assigned their days on the family calender (our bible) as "Date with Mom".

My first date was with Cade.  I chose him to start with because he has total middle child syndrome.  He tends to need the most attention and is having the most difficulty with the move.  We chose to go to the beach that is about 2 miles from our home.

The walk to the beach is mostly all down hill and absolutely gorgeous.  To enter the beach you have to walk under the railroad tracks through a very low spider infested tunnel.  And these aren't dainty spiders.  They are huge ones with a giant network of webs.  Full of succulent little spider feasts.  Cade of course was fascinated and we spent quiet a bit of time in the tunnel examining spider culture.

 Once through the tunnel you are faced with an AMAZING view of Puget Sound and the mountains.

So we set out to explore.  We wandered the beach collecting shells.  Finding "wishing rocks" and making wishes out loud while we tossed them over our shoulder into the water.  Cade wished "for Erik to be here soon so we can have a happy family", "for a new bike", "for my mom not to be sad", "for Peyton to eat worms" and "to see a whale".

We found huge pieces of drift wood and made a teeter totter.  Of course he could only go up and I could only stay down.

We talked a lot about his love for animals and his worries about the Gulf oil spill.  He told me "Diving is creepy in those rubber suits. *shudder*  But if I had to do it to help animals I'd be cool with that".  We texted Erik to Google information on barnacles for us.  We laughed.  We held hands.  We snuggled.

We were having a fabulous time.  And then we saw a seagull setting in the sand.  Cade wanted a picture so we walked closer.  He didn't move.  Suddenly the sky turned black and giant birds of all kinds swarmed the sky.  The seagull tried to run and we saw that it had a bloody severed wing.  Cade screamed.  I pulled him back and the other birds began to attack the wounded gull.  We stood stunned. We threw rocks at the other birds and tried to chase them but they were relentless.  Feeling helpless I picked Cade up and carried him away from the scene.  We walked as far as we could the opposite way.  I held him in my lap.  We talked about natures plan.  We cried.  And we snuggled some more.  I let him eat all the kettle corn he wanted.  We threw wishing stones for the wounded gull.  And my heart broke for my sensitive, gentle son.

We started our long walk home.  Uphill.  Uggggg.  And I mean REALLY UP HILL.

We collected giant leaves as big as Cade's head.

He taught me about SLUGS.  Ewwwwwww.

We found the place where we are 100% positive that Edward Cullen sparkles.

Despite natures horror show we had a wonderful day.  I got to enjoy time with the Cade I love (funny, sensitive, gentle, smart and open) and have been missing.  No blow ups.  No screaming. And it lasted all day. I can't wait for my next date with him.

The Future Bachelor

Cade: I broke up with Zellie today. *Completely calm*
Me: Really? Why?
Cade: She coughed on my food! That is so nasty.
Me: Wow!
Cade: Yeah and she cried like a big baby!!! *Giggling*
Me: Well someday a girl will break up with you and you'll cry like a big baby.
Cade: No I won't! *Laughing* I'll just go get another girlfriend!

Apparently he and Jason have more in common then I would like to believe. Run Molly. Run.

5 Taters and counting

Dear Cade-
Five years old. It's hard to believe. Time has gone by so fast. I should have known from day one that you would be my greatest challenge in life. Your stubbornness is truly amazing. I have never met anyone as determined as you. My greatest hope is that you can channel it into something positive. That it will be a strength and not a detriment. Sometimes it's easy for your other qualities to be hidden by your tough exterior. But you are truly a gentle giant. You are so loving and affectionate. You are amazing with animals and babies. You have a goofy sense of humor and a wacky creative streak. Your laughter is infectious. And when I truly look at you-it's those qualities that I see....not the glitter glue, the baby powder or the spray paint or what ever other mischief you have caused. But the softness behind those beautiful blue eyes.
I love you Tater.
Mommy

Shut Yo Mouth

Happy Memorial Day all! Hope that you are all having a wonderful holiday. I can't think of anything related to the day so you are stuck with what is roaming in my head.

My sweet little Cade has a horrible potty mouth. He loves to say things to push your buttons. Shock value is even better. I have tried everything. Both appropriate and inappropriate. Nothing curtails his foul tongue.

• Ignore it-Check
• Soap-Check
• Sassy Sauce (AKA vinegar)-Check
• Rewards-Check
• Punishment-Check
• Charts-Check
• Discussion-Check

And yet the language continues. This goes far beyond the usual toilet talk (you know about poop) that occurs at this age. I am seriously at the end of my rope with it. Hence the soap and sassy sauce..two things I swore I would never do. Some of Cade's favorite things to say:

• Anything regarding bodily functions and add a body part (ex-poophead)

Then throw in some:

• Dumb ass
• Stupid
• Stupid ass
• Stupid ass muttey mutt Mama
• Idiot
• I hate you (or add any name there)
• Fucker

And then to really get me upset:

• I'm stupid
• I'm an idiot
• I hate myself
• Nobody loves me

Let me be clear that we do not tolerate name calling at the love shack. I have never told my children that they are stupid, dumb ect. Nor have I EVER said that I hate them. I won't say I have never sworn in front of them...that would be a lie. Cade seems to get such immense pleasure out using his obnoxious verbage.

• Why?
• What do I do?
• Is duct tape a crime?

Cutie Cum Laude

Dear Cade,

I hate to admit it but I had serious doubts about placing you in preschool last year. It wasn't only that you were starting in the middle of the year-I just didn't think you were ready. You had just potty trained, were still taking a nap and averaging at least one huge melt down a day. You were constantly pushing everyone's buttons. You were demanding and inpatient. I was terrified that you would be "that kid"...the one none of the parents can stand. I'm happy to say that I was COMPLETELY wrong.

Tonight you graduated from preschool. Your years unmarred by incident. You were nothing short of a model student. Attentive, curious and polite. You made friends easily and were well liked by both your peers and your teachers. The "Cade Man" has been loved by all.

It's hard to watch my baby boy end this chapter of his childhood. But I do it safe in the knowledge that you will be successful. You are not "that kid". You are my kid. My big boy. I'm so very proud of you.

I love you with all my heart,
Mommy

Who Punk'd Peter Rabbit?

Ava in line for the Easter bunny. Literally shaking in her ballet flats.


Ava when I told her we were next. That is not a look of excitement.


Cade in line...not being a "fraidy cat".


This was as close as Cade got to the bunny.


Ava when I told her the Easter bunny was coming!

Feed me Seymour

Sarcastic Mom aka Lotus had a feeding carnival yesterday. I had good intentions of getting my post done but sadly my family had other ideas. So here I am a day late. But hey, I figure you'd love to hear about my boobies any day.

Let me start by saying I strongly believe that how you feed your baby is a highly personal decision. It is never a choice as simple as breast or bottle. There are so many emotions, personal history's and expectations attached to to nourishing our babies.

I have successfully breastfeed four children for varying degrees of time. But it has not always been easy. Each experience was unique and had its own challenges. But I have to admit that with Cade, I seriously struggled.

The day Cade was born he nursed like a champ. For a glorious 24 hours we had peace. Then I made the mistake of having him circumcised. I personally have strong feelings against circumcision but it was important to my husband. During the circ Cade was given a pacifier. Against my wishes and without my permission. The peace was shattered.

Cade immediately began to refuse the breast. He was suddenly unable to latch. I spent the rest of our stay spoon feeding which did not go over well with the staff. His bilirubin level rose. They told me he would be "retarded" if I didn't give formula. I continued to spoon feed. We were discharged but had to come back daily for bilirubin levels.

The nursery staff barraged me during these checks. Hounding me to give him formula. Even the lactation consultant seemed to blame me. She told me he was over stimulated. I was taking him out too much, too busy. My fault. I left devastated. I was sobbing uncontrollably before I even reached the car.

Once home I continued to struggle at each feeding. Spending at least 30 minutes attempting to nurse while he screamed and then cup feeding him. Pumping, cup feeding, failed attempts. With each day I fell deeper and deeper into a depression. I taught and supported breastfeeding mothers and I couldn't even nurse my own child. I stopped sleeping. I began to pull my hair out. I became anxious, paranoid.

I knew I was in trouble. My ob was amazingly supportive and prescribed meds immediately. Within a week I began to think more clearly. I became indignant. How dare this child not nurse! I became determined. I used all of the resources I had. At 3 weeks old Cade nursed again. It was the middle of the night but I felt the sun shining on us. The weight of those three hideous weeks was lifted. I sobbed tears of joy and relief.

Cade became an expert nurser. So much so that when I returned to work he refused to take a bottle. After three sitters in two weeks I finally found one who would cup feed him...as he had done before. But there was no screaming, no tears, no heartbreak. I knew when I picked him up he would bury his curly blond head in my chest and nurse with ease.

If I had to do it over again would I have been so militant? Would I have allowed my self to become consumed? Would I have accepted our failure and moved on? Maybe, but I know with every bottle I made...the failure, the heartache, the longing would still have been there.

My stubborn little man today

The Vector

Cade was the one who started it all. Last Saturday I returned from running errands to find him on the couch crying-because his eyes hurt. When Cade has a fever his eyes always hurt. Dear husband doesn't seem to get that. He spent most of the day sleeping and whining. By Sunday he had a cough and runny nose. By Tuesday he was feeling wonderful and happy to pick on the sick ones. However, he still insisted that he was sick too. Cade is our resident hypochondiac. He has discovered that being sick is a wonderful way to get some extra loving...which is probably how I ended up ill...from doting on the petrie dish. After several days of arguing with him about why he in fact does not need medicine he is back to his usually charming self. We are so proud that he is finally learning to share and thank him for his gifts.

Up your nose with craft supplies

Just in case ya all thought Amonte was the only one keeping me busy, I thought I would set the record straight. Saturday before last we were enjoying a leisurely afternoon (recovering from the prior evenings total and complete melt down). The boys in their underwear, me and Ava in PJ's had just settled in for a long afternoon of movies. I headed to the kitchen to fix some snacks. Cade follows just seconds behind SCREAMING that his nose hurts. I rubbed it. I kissed it. No better. He then announces there is a "bean" in it, although he staunchly denies putting anything up there. I look. Nothing. So we blow. And blow some more. MMMM. Green snot. "There ya go Cade! There is your green snot bean! Yahoo!". To this he replies that his bean is in fact pink. Pink??? I only got green here dude. After much questioning he admits to shoving a pink bead up his right nostril.

Further exam under bright light reveals bead. Wonderful. I make fun of kids who do this shit. Now it's my kid, karma is a bitch. I grab the tweezers and of course he goes nuts. As does Ava who tries to rip them from my hands as I put them up his nose. Norm also goes ape shit and tries to attack me. After 3 failed attempts I called my Mom. Praying she would come sit with the others while I drug Cade to the walk in. Poor Mom, she obliged.

We sat at the clinic for over in hour. Cade slyly trying to dig in his nose. What Dr. should be working? Yes, that's right. One that I see on a frequent basis at Big Medicine. And here I am. Unshowered. My kid in his slippers with a pink bead up his nose. Not even a manly bead. A pink one. Lovely child laid perfectly still for removal. Discharge instructions read "Maintain safe environment to prevent reoccurrence". Yes, that's me. Negligent mom.

Upon return home Mom had folded baskets of laundry. She even tackled the daunting task of mating socks. While putting the clothes away I noted that she had placed Ava's swimsuit bottoms and diaper covers with my panties. I'm not sure if I should be flattered...or if my Mom is truly losing it. Either way, it felt good.

Ho's beware

Recently in the car Cade was singing along with the radio and I hear:

Cade: "It's too late to call your john!"

Me: Nearly spitting my last precious swallow of Coke all over the dashboard "Uh Cade I think he is singing-it's too late to apologize."

Cade: "No him not. Listen. It's too late to call your john!"

Amonte: "He's your son."

They really should clean those lyrics up and do you know anyone who makes smug grin remover for teenagers? I'll take a case.

Missing in action

Hello Blogger world. By chance have any of you seen Cade's shoes? They were last spotted in the kitchen at around 7 pm while I was putting away $400 worth of groceries with my darling helpers. I do recall telling Cade ever so politely to please remove them from the kitchen and put them where they belong. However, they are not in the closet. Or under the couch, chair or beds. They are not in any of the bedrooms. They are not in the kitchen, bathroom or laundry room. Cade wore his winter boots to school today. He didn't mind. Would any of my lovely blogger buddies like to take my darling boy to purchase a new pair of shoes this evening? He will be ready and waiting on the porch for you. Thanks ever so much.

Who am I???

I am sadly behind on my blog reading. I will be catching up tonight. I also know I have been TAGGED! FINALLY! And those will also be done tonight as will the word and TFT....seeing as on Turkey day I will most likely be too hammered to type a single word...much less have a thought. I'm off to go shopping with the darling Ava for the perfect outfit for her to wear on Thanksgiving. God I love having a daughter. In the main time I leave you with this....

• Why? Oh Why? Is Cade calling ME Boston Mannor? When I ask him he laughs hysterically. When I ask Peyton he laughs hysterically. When I ask Ava she just looks at me. When I ask Amonte he says "who knows, he is wierd". When I ask Mark he says "huh?" without even looking away from the tv. Any clue? Even a tiny one?

Super freaks...or super stars??? You decide!

In case you guys didn't already know: my two youngest boys are super stars. Plain and simple. They are hot stuff, like their momma.

Peyton is the new face of Nicole Barczak Photography.

If that wasn't enough to just make me truly the proudest mother on earth already: yesterday when I picked up Cade one of the childcare workers said "go look on the bathroom wall". My first though was-dear god what has he done now??? She assured me it was good...and it was! There are 3 pictures of Cade showing step by step how to wash and dry your hands! He is the poster boy for post potty hygiene *wiping away a tear*.

Peyton says it's because Cade is the best hand washer in childcare. I thought that was a pretty nice thing for him to say. I have seen Cade wash his hands and I do believe he should be a surgeon...or maybe he'll have OCD and be a germophobe. Either way-soooo proud.

Cade's horrible, rotten, no good very bad day

I took the day off work today to have some "me time". I scrapped for about 5 hours then picked Cade up early so we could spend some time together. The kid is a freak-he loves to run errands.

Cade:Me having a really really bad day.

Me: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that! What happened?

Cade: All day everybody says "hi Cade, hi Cade, hi Cade!" Then Maddie and Charlie fight over me. And everybody keeps telling me how cool my shirt is!

Me: Oh, that makes for a bad day?

Cade: YEAH! *clearly frustrated by my ignorance*

Funny, somehow he managed to soak his shirt and not his pants with urine while we were at the fabric store and that did not phase him at all. I think his priorities are screwed up.

Buns of marshmellow fluff

In the car:
Cade: Mom! Mom! Mom!
Me: Yes?
Cade: Um. Never mind.
Me: What baby?
Cade: Noooo. Me don't want to talk to you! Amonte!!!!
Amonte: WHAT?
Cade: When it snows will you make a snowman with me?
Amonte: Yeah, whatever.
Me: I can make a snow man with ya baby.
Cade: Um. No. You aren't strong enough.

WTF? Not strong enough to roll a few balls of snow around? Damn. I really need to hit the gym...I didn't realize it was SO obvious that I'm out of shape. Thanks Cade!

I'm too sexy for my shirt

Cade never wears a shirt or much else for that matter. But if he is hot or wants to be comfy the first thing that comes off is his shirt. Sunday we were at my parents and he was shirtless as usual. My stepdad kept teasing him "I like your shirt"..."That's a cool shirt! Where did you get it?". Cade would laugh and then ask me about his "shirt". After several hours of this I didn't feel like playing along anymore.

Grandpa-Cool shirt Cade where did you get it?
Cade-Momma where did you get my cool shirt?
Me-In utero.
Cade-*Thinks this is hysterical even though he has no clue what it means-Now walks around the house the rest of the night singing* In UTEROOOooooo.

So I'm getting ready for work this am and I'm curling my hair in just my pants and a bra...Peyton walks in and real sarcastically says "Cool shirt mom...where'd ya get it in grandmas UFO?"

What a dork. I got it where all fat lactating women get their huge nursing bras...Target.

Red dye causes genetic mutation in rhinos

MacKenzie (http://mackenziesmasterpiece.blogspot.com/) was nice enough to do some research for me on rhinos.

Black rhinos eat bushes and parts off of trees which is why that have the upper lip that works like a large finger. And white rhinos usually eat grass but also like to plow up the ground with their horn to eat mineral salts. They are strictly vegetarians.


When I shared this info with Cade (thinking he would be excited), he looked at me as if I has sprouted a third eye and announced "Mister is a green rhino. And green rhinos ONLY eat dogs." He then stalked away in a huff. WTF. I guess Mister is one giant genetic mutation. Probably from consuming red dye...he does live in Cade's mouth after all.


Saturday I found him a tiny little white rhino figurine at the Toy House and since we had a bad morning I picked up up for him as a surprise. He was thrilled...even though it's not green.

The worst is yet to come

Let me start by saying that I truly and deeply love all of my children. However, I will admit to having moments when I do not especially like them. I can deal with Amonte constantly moving in slow motion. I can handle Peytons smart ass mouth and energy. I can cope with Ava's refusal to speak and her OCDish habits. But Cade pushes me to my breaking point on nearly a daily basis.

He has been "hard to love" since the day he was born. He was not a particularly cute newborn (although he turned into an adorable baby!), he cried nonstop and never seemed to be content. As he grew this did not change. Cade is loud, demanding and whiny. He is aggressive and can say extremely hurtful things. He knows every button to push. Nothing I say or do ever seems to appease him. He seems to take the greatest pleasure in ruining even the smallest things for everyone. Even simple tasks are a great strain when Cade is involved. I have lost my patience totally with him on more than one occasion and said and done things that I never believed myself capable of.

Cade scares me. He brings out the worst in me and exposes every single one of my weaknesses, my flaws. I feel helpless and tired. Nothing in me seems to instinctively know how to handle him. Nothing I have read has given me any confidence. What's so hard is that he truly is a very sweet, loving, funny, smart little boy. He is probably the most affectionate of all my children and certainly the most sensitive. I feel like his exceptional qualities get overlooked so often because his negative behavior is so in your face.

I love him and am so proud of him in so many ways...so why is it still so hard?

Norm is on Misters menu

This morning I was brushing Cade's teeth and we were going through our usual goofiness.

M-Come on let me get Mister all clean (Mister is the rhino who lives in Cade's mouth-um Mister also is a girl and has a baby)

C-Is Mister in the mud hole again?

M- Yeah and he made a big mess. I think he is gaining wait from all that breakfast you ate.

C-What do rhino's eat?

M- I have no clue...we'll have to google it after school.

*Norm walks into the bathroom and knocks Cade down.

C-I know what rhinos eat!

M-Oh yeah tell me!

C-DOGS!

Truly what do rhinos eat???