Rock Ferry

Today was time for Ava’s mommy date. We had the perfect day planned.  Beach. Play ground.  Lunch and watching the ferries come in. Only ava had a different version of ferries.  Faeries with wings and wands.  Not boats with bellowing horns.  After her initial disappointment (which included falling in to a sobbing mess in the gravel) we had an enjoyable time. Hunting for perfect shells. Walking on huge chunks of drift wood. Tossing wishing stones and praying for our dreams to come true.  Finding lone flowers in barren sand.

Gold fish and juice boxes.  Discarded PB&J.  Melting cheese sticks.  Sharing disgust and fascination of a lone Santa Clause of a man in daisy duke cut offs entering the icy water without hesitation.  Ava had the most fun chasing me with rotting bug infested seaweed down the beach while I shreaked like a wild woman.  I wished this day, our closeness, her happiness to end would never end.  And I hope it stays etched in her memory as it has in mind.

Pretty in Pink

After a long night of screaming and tears I called a friend that works for an Orthopedic Dr and begged an appointment. Turns out her arm was actually broken. Huh. So much for x-rays being read by 2 Dr.s and a Radiologist. She is now sporting a hot pink cast and a sassy attitude to boot. The pain is much better controlled in the plaster restraint so she is feeling more like herself. But extra bossy. Extra demanding and extra pitiful. It's going to be a long 3 weeks.

Shabby Baby Girl Broke Her Crown

When I saw the Picture Princess contest at shabby apple I knew I found the perfect model! Who you ask??? Why Her Majesty of course. Since I have no recent photo's that were anywhere good enough to enter I decided to take her outside today and use my limited photography skills to get some winning pictures. What I didn't plan on (obviously) was her Evil Knievil move over the side of the slide. We ended up in the ER with a dislocation and severe sprain of the left arm. She will have to spend the next 2 weeks in a sling. Nice job Mom. So here are my 3 entries. I have zero editing ability so she is as she is. Purely beautiful. ****UPDATE Her arm is actually broken and was casted this am****

Ava is the perfect shabby baby model. She is a total girly girl who loves to dress up-do her "put a ring on it" dance and keep her "bad boys" AKA her brothers in line. She's got mad curls, a zany sense of humor and a heart the size of Texas. If she doesn't win on beauty and personality alone she certainly is worthy of a shabby baby wardrobe after the trauma she went through just to enter!!!

So here she is!


I love this one even though her dorky brother gave her rabbit ears. Damn my missing Photoshop gene. ***Thanks Nicole for taking out the hand!!!!***


I debated on this one. She was grubbing on some chicken wings. "Bones" and had made quiet a mess but it really shows her curls and her eyes....and her love of good eats! ***Thanks Ashley for editing out the food on her face!!!***


Just for fun-Taken when we returned from the ER-sleepy on morphine.


And this is her favorite shabby dress "little girls and girls dresses from shabby baby". Wouldn't she be perfect in it? Minus the barbecue sauce or arm sling of course!!!


Keep your fingers crossed for her!

Frag this

Her Majesty has learned a bitch of a life lesson. She has had her first heart break. Her first taste of rejection.

Ava loves to stay up till her "stinky daddy" comes home from work. This is when they have their bonding time. The other night Ava got all dolled up for the event. She put on her little mermaid panties, purple and brown striped knee highs, a strawberry shortcake pj top and some major hair accessories. She was pretty sure she was irresistible. Daddy greeted her with the mandatory "oooohhhh's", "aaahhh's", hugs and kisses. Sadly, Ava was in my arms a mere 5 minutes later sobbing. Clearly devastated.

• Me: Ava! What's wrong baby?

• Ava: *Sobb* Daaaaddy

• Me: What did daddy do?

• Ava: STUPID GAME!!!!
  

Enough said. Daddy got new video games for Christmas. Knee highs and Hello Kitty hair clips are no competition for fragging some newb with a boomstick. Sorry baby girl.

Help Wanted

Personal stylist for mini fashionista needed asap. Star studded resume a must. Certificate in Diva Management preferred. Ability to work exclusively in shades of pink required. Strict adherence to Her Majesty's fashion rules is imperative. Dislike of Hannah Montana and Camp Rock are essential. Knowledge of kiddie couture a prerequisite. Flexibility, patience and creativity are crucial. Serious inquiries only.  

Boo Hiss

Ava has a habit. It's more potent than crack. No, I'm not talking about my boobs-although those are apparently highly addictive too. This trumps princesses, pink and chocolate. Serious stuff huh? So how-pray tell- did she get her hands on something so potent? Easy peasy. We gave it to her. Knowing full freaking well she would get hooked and need an intervention worthy
of A & E.

So currently I am in the planning phase. Examining the steps needed to break this vicious cycle-hopefully without bringing everyone in the love shack to their knees.

Gather information about local treatment options and find one.
So the yellow pages and google offered up nothing. Apparently this has to be a
grass roots movement.

Make a clear plan.
Everytime I set a plan in motion something happens. She gets sick or ends up
in the company of an enabler.

Confront the problem.
I have done this with her. She steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that she has an issue.

Be as firm and specific as possible.
I'm a huge sucker.

Show her the reality of the situation.
She is two. This is her reality.

Ask others to help.
This is where you come in.

Don't be afraid to say how you really feel.
Hmmm. How do I feel?

Get professional help.
Again, no specialists in this area of addiction.

Set consequences for the problem.
Obviously this has to happen. Which ones to use? Or do rewards work better?

Offer hope in solving the problem.
I'm hopeful that nobody has ever gone to college with this disorder. However,
there was a girl in my High School that as far as I know never kicked it.

I'm ready. To do battle with the will of a toddler. To destroy what has become second nature to her. Her "boo" is history. No more pacifying her with the pacifier.

Who Punk'd Peter Rabbit?

Ava in line for the Easter bunny. Literally shaking in her ballet flats.


Ava when I told her we were next. That is not a look of excitement.


Cade in line...not being a "fraidy cat".


This was as close as Cade got to the bunny.


Ava when I told her the Easter bunny was coming!

Cat Chow

There is something seriously wrong with Her Majesty. I mean besides the obvious things, like not speaking. Ava loves to watch Animal Planet. Her favs are Meerkat Manor, Living with Wolves (she likes to howl with them) and Giant Cat Diary.
Well the other night we were watching the "big cats". She would become quiet anxious when commercials came on. As if they signaled an end to her viewing pleasure. She was happily chattering away to the cats when I noticed a baby deer like thing hop into view on the screen. Ahhh. Oh no. The horror that is nature was about to unfold before my delicate 2 year olds eyes.
She was fixated as the spotted panther chased down the tiny creature and slaughtered it. With tears in my eyes I turned to look at Ava. I expected a look of sorrow, or confusion. Instead her face was a glow with excitement. She pointed at the TV and began to laugh hysterically. She continued to giggle uncontrollably while the big cat and her baby ripped the little deer to shreds.
Is it any surprise she is a carnivore? What am I raising here people?

College fund or Rehab?

I guess I need to update on Her Majesty. She has hit 2 with full force and has been keeping me rather busy.

• The Saturday that Cade infected everyone Ava and I were working on potty training. The day before I had bought her The Royal Potty which plays music when you go. She was most impressed and was using it frequently. While I was washing her potty for the 100th time Peyton came into the bathroom and announced "you are going to be so mad at Ava" and walked out. I thought "what else is new?" and kept cleaning. Amonte then came home from his dad's and asked "do you really want Ava doing shots of Tylenol?". WTF???? Yes, there she is on the kitchen floor with a little medicine cup tipping back children's Tylenol like an experienced bar whore.
• I called poison control and of course got someone who literally spoke NO English. Nice. My mommy came out to watch the other kids and I dressed Her Naughtiness and drug her to Big Medicines ER. Big medicine has a beautiful new ER and a horrible reputation. I was not amused.
• To make a long story short we spent the remainder of the evening there force feeding her charcoal and being completely ignored by the staff. Except of course the one who walked by and whispered loudly to a co-worker "overdose" and shook her head.
• For Ava's first birthday I had a giant fairy themed party. Unfortunately we had a blizzard that day and the party was pretty much a wash. I really didn't feel right having another huge party for her when Amonte hasn't even gotten to celebrate his 16th yet so I just planned something small. Tuesday my friend CoCo and I took her to Novi for a "girl's day". We went to Build a Bear, had lunch, shopped and got her first real haircut. We drove home from Novi in a snow storm. Do you thing this is some kind of omen??? Mark's dad and and his girlfriend came over, along with Coco and we had pizza, presents and cupcakes.
  

Naming Her creation "LoLa".

Lola and Ava having lunch.

Ava getting her cut and a blow out. I was stunned she let him blow her hair out straight. Afterwards she kept flipping it all around. She was rather impressed with herself.


Opening gifts.

Forcing my love of all things Hello Kitty on her with some crafty cupcakes.

She kept blowing out the candle before we were done singing.

• That same night she got sick. Which was also fairly reminiscent of her first birthday when she was admitted to the hospital shortly after with a horrible case of RSV. Luckily this was minor and she was on the mend by the weekend for her second party at my parents house.

Again with my love for Hello Kitty. This fine confection courtesy of Grandma.

Eating her cake. Actually she merely cut it and spread it around. For some ungodly reason this little freak of nature does not love cake.

Loving on her new cousin Charmin. She is generally not a fan of anyone stealing her thunder and I was a bit worried how she would respond. Luckily she loved him!

• And finally. I do believe that I have created a monster. On a short shopping trip to find a dress for her pictures she had a complete and total meltdown over a pair of shoes. Shoes that she loved, coveted and carried gently all through the Gap. Shoes that I had no intention of buying as they did not match the dress and they were summer shoes. It's freezing here people. I bought her another purse instead.
  

Her life in pictures

Ava at 2 years


Ava at 1 1/2


Her Majesty on her first birthday


Preppy Princess at 6 months


Ava on the day of her birth

Do you got love for Her Majesty?

Peyton has been less than impressed with his baby sister lately. She is turning into a full fledged two year old. Recent comments include:

• "Ava, you don't even try to be a nice girl."
• "Why didn't I get a baby brother?"
• "Ava needs her own bed mom. You should get her a crate!"
• "Why do we have to keep her?"
• "Ava's not as pretty as that baby on TV."
• "Go away Ava. You stink and your nightgown is ugly."
• "Gawd Ava. All you do is CRRRRRYYYYYY.

Although, I do have to admit (between you and me) the crate idea was tempting for a moment.

22 Months and Counting

For Her Majesty,

Today you are 22 months old. As hard as that is to believe-I see you changing from my sweet baby girl to an independent toddler right before my eyes. The "terrible two's" are moving in quickly. You have begun to assert your opinion...wordlessly...but we all know what you mean-what you want-and what you don't. You have everyone you come in contact with wrapped around your little finger and you know it.

I love you funny bunny. With all my heart,

Mommy

Part 2

Ok. Now to continue my tag, I don't think I will reach 42 but here goes.

TMI about my offspring:

1. When Ava is really tired she pulls her eyelashes out. I'm terrified she has trichatolamania.
2. Cade calls his boobs "man cans". He insists that one has juice and one has milk. He has a baby doll that he nurses.
3. Cade also has a freakishly long tongue. In fact he can lick his man cans.
4. When Peyton first potty trained he had to be butt ass naked to poop. It didn't matter where we were. It all had to come off. He was also obsessed with Harry Potter at this time. We were shopping at Target and he was following me around in full Harry Potter gear. He had to poop but I wouldn't take him unless he agreed to stay clothed...which he wouldn't. "MOOOOOOOM. Why won't you take me to the potttttyyyyy?" Finally irritated I snapped "Do you think Harry Potter gets butt naked to poop?" To which he responded loudly "UH HUH! Harry Potter does get naked to poop! It's in the 3rd movie and we don't have that one!" Having not seen that one how could I argue? I took him to the potty where he got naked and did his thing.
5. When Peyton was a toddler he loved to wear socks on his hands. All the time. He also loved to wear a pair of rubber rain boots all summer long. By the end of the summer they smelled like ass. Real stinky ass.
6. When Amonte was in the 3rd grade he complained that his butt hurt. Of course he didn't want me to look but he kept complaining and he couldn't even sit down. Finally Mark and I wrestled him to the ground and pulled his pants off. It was summer and we lived in a row of townhouses. The windows were open and he was SCREAMING "Get off me! Get out of my butt!" He had shingles. I was glad we looked.
7. All of my kids are convinced that I can untie their belly buttons.
   

Insurance agents beware

Ava has been attending speech for over a month now, in addition to sign language tutors once a week. Although it was disappointing news, the speech therapist determined that there is an oral muscular issue. There have been minimal improvements in her language but in the past few days she has greatly increased her signing. It has been so nice to actually have her try and communicate with me! Our insurance company authorized the initial assessment and 12 subsequent visits. The therapist obviously requested more when she determined there truly was an issue besides attitude and because she is at least 1 year behind in language development. Well, what do you know....typical bureaucratic bullshit. Big insurance has DENIED any further visits. I almost feel sorry for who ever the poor bitch is that gets my phone call tomorrow. Cause NOBODY puts Her Majesty in the corner. NOBODY.

20 months

Your Majesty,
Today you are 20 months old. It seems like just yesterday I was holding you in my arms marveling at the miracle of your birth...amazed by your tiny perfection.
At 20 months you:

• Still hardly speak. You say :"mom, hey, hi, bye and up". You can sign about 20 words. Speech is going slow. They have determined there are some muscle tone issues. More than anything I just want to hear you say "love you".
• You can't stand to for me to be upset with you. The naughty spot breaks your heart.
• When you are angry at me you refuse to make eye contact with me. I hate leaving you in the morning when you won't even look at me.
• You still don't sleep through the night. When you wake up you get right in my face and say "MOM". You demand a prompt response.
• You still nurse, probably more frequently than you should. If I tell you no you sob and are inconsolable.
• You refuse to let me feed you.
• You hate having your hair done, your diaper changed or getting dressed.
• You love to dance, to color, push your doll stroller and read books.
• You love Norm all most as much as me. Luckily he is very patient with you.
• You are obsessed with shoes and purses. Such a smart girl!

I love watching you change, learn and grow....everyday is something new. Happy 20 months funny bunny.

Silent in Center

Ava Judge (Her Majesty) is nearing 20 months. 20 nearly silent months. She says about 5 words and signs about 15. We know that she could not hear from 6 months to 9 months due to huge effusions in both ears. However her hearing has been retested and is completely normal. She has had a speech eval and they have determined there is no reason she can not talk. She simply will not and why should she? Her brothers are more than happy to do it for her.

Two weeks ago during speech theraphy Ava did not utter a single solitary peep. Then we went to Target and she said "HI" to everyone in the store. I looked like one of those idiots in the commercials encouraging people to talk/read to their kids. Reading every sign, telling her the name, color, use of anything we passed. She would sign or make a noise and I would be all excited. These two old women looked at me sadly like "ohhh, her poor baby is special". Yeah she is special...but not "special" ok!

Last week we got a few peeps at speech therapy. At the checkout at Target (yeah I go EVERY week) the cashier said "does she talk yet?" NOOOOO. Not yet. Yeah I guess the fact the cashier recognizes us is an indicator its self of a problem.

Then we went to Michael's. Cashier-"Oh she is getting so big! Is she talking yet?" NOOOOO. Um and apparently an indicator of yet another problem...are we seeing a shopping related theme here?

I have been asked:

• Do you talk to her? Um yeah dumb ass. Can't ya tell-nobody puts her majesty in the corner.
• Do you read to her? Yeah I have a freaking library. She can sign the word for book. What do you think?
• Maybe you should put her in speech. Thanks but she is...2 silent times a week.
• Oh you poor dear, is your baby deaf? My answer to this was just NO. The woman looked confused but I signed "weirdo" to Ava and we kept going.

She is special. Especially spoiled. She will talk when she is ready and I'm ok with that...why can't everyone else be?