Cutie Cum Laude

Dear Cade,

I hate to admit it but I had serious doubts about placing you in preschool last year. It wasn't only that you were starting in the middle of the year-I just didn't think you were ready. You had just potty trained, were still taking a nap and averaging at least one huge melt down a day. You were constantly pushing everyone's buttons. You were demanding and inpatient. I was terrified that you would be "that kid"...the one none of the parents can stand. I'm happy to say that I was COMPLETELY wrong.

Tonight you graduated from preschool. Your years unmarred by incident. You were nothing short of a model student. Attentive, curious and polite. You made friends easily and were well liked by both your peers and your teachers. The "Cade Man" has been loved by all.

It's hard to watch my baby boy end this chapter of his childhood. But I do it safe in the knowledge that you will be successful. You are not "that kid". You are my kid. My big boy. I'm so very proud of you.

I love you with all my heart,
Mommy

Heavy Metal Hangover

Dear Mark,
When I encouraged you to go to the Drowning Pool and Saliva concert last night with your buddies it never once occurred to me to remind you to act your age. In hindsight perhaps I should have warned you that 36 year old men who stay out drinking all night and jumping in the mosh pit tend not to fare well the next morning. However, had I issued such warning I may have missed out on the pleasure of watching you suffer this am. My bad hunney.
XO
Zoe

And the Oscar goes to....

Peyton for best performance as a mistreated child in a tragic comedy!!!!

• Peyton has been a little challenging lately. That in itself is an understatement. He was the second one to get sick last week and of course it was all about the drama...as everything with Peyton usually is. His cough was the worst, his fever was the highest and he did get a raging migraine to go along with it all. He also vomited repeatedly in my bed and never in his. He missed his Valentines party at school which was a huge ordeal as he is quiet the ladies man and was sure the girls all had something extra special for him.
• Recently a classmates father passed away unexpectedly. Sadly, the boy is the one who found his father. The mother and the teacher decided not to discuss it with the class. I found out third hand from another classmates mother when Peyton and her daughter told her. I respect this mothers desire for privacy and to have things remain as normal as possible for her son. However, he is discussing it with his friends and I don't think they are fully able to comprehend the situation without some adult guidance. Since this, Peyton has been having an incredibly difficult time sleeping...which doesn't improve his mood any (or mine). He has also been asking even more questions than usual about god and death. Many that I simply do not have good answers for.
• Yesterday we took him for his dental exam and he totally flipped out. He has never done that before. He has 2 big teeth coming in behind his baby teeth and he is nuts about it. They are going to have to pull 4 lower babies to make room. To do this I will have to bring him back and have him sedated because he was such a mess. He spent the rest of the day asking me repeatedly when he had to go back to the dentist. He even woke me up at 3 am this morning to ask "when?".
• I'm reasonably certain I am raising a pubescent girl as opposed to a 6 year old boy. All I hear lately is "I hate you!", "You're the meanest mom ever!", "You never let me do anything!", "I hate this house and everyone in it!", "I wanna live with someone else!", "Nobody here even loves me!". Add in lots of tears, hysterics and door slamming.
• Yesterday after the dental fiasco took him to see the Spiderwick Chronicals, just the two of us. I felt he really needed some individual time and I wanted to focus on him. We had a great time. He was pleasant, funny and well behaved. I'm not sure who needed it more...me or him. But the second we returned home he threw a roll of toilet paper at his brother and stomped around the house.
• In an effort to make him hate me even more I have banned all video and computer games Monday through Friday. I found he was spending way to much time isolated away from the rest of us filling his head with mush. He has been caught twice hiding in the closet playing his brothers Leapster. Now they are all locked up. I seriously believe he is having withdrawals.

Don't worry. There are no Oscar parties in his near future or anything else fun for that matter.

Surgical 16

Dear Amonte,

I have been wanting to write this letter for weeks now. However, with everything that has been going on it never seemed like the right time. I know that this is not how you imagined turning 16. It certainly isn't what I would have wanted for you. The past two months have been so painful for you. Both physically and emotionally. But in this I have learned something new about you. You are stronger than I have ever given you credit for.

It's no secret that I have babied you. Spoiled you. I spent so many years trying to make up for the absence of your father and for all the mistakes I made while learning to be a mother. I never gave you a chance to figure things out for yourself. When anything was difficult I swooped in and took over. This time, I can't take over. I can do nothing to help you. But my helplessness has let your true strength shine.

You have handled yourself with an amazing amount of courage, dignity and humor. You have faced pain and uncertainty calmly. You have never once lashed out at anyone trying to help you. You have found the comical in a situation I could never see the humor in.

I am so very proud of you. For if 16 is any indication of the man you are growing into all those who know you are truly blessed.

"Bow down to me, cause my ass is holy!" I'm bowing. But not because of the huge holes in your hiney. But because you are an amazing young man with a bright future.

Happy belated sweet 16 McLovin.

Love,

Mommy

The Boss

Tonight:
Peyton: Mom, Can I PLEEEAAASSSEEE eat in the living room?
Me: Ah. No.
Peyton: But I'm 6!!! I'm almost a grown up!

Later:
Cade: You're not the boss of me Peyton.
Peyton: Yeah I am! I'm 6 dude.

Later:
Peyton: Mom, next year I'll be a mean grader. *sigh* Then I have to get a girlfriend and a job.

Ps: This pic was taken after the first "real" snowstorm of the year. Peyton was outside nearly all day. The next morning he came in the bathroom and sat on the floor with a big sigh and asked "Is winter over yet mom? I'm tired of the cold already". When I told him we still had a long way to go he went back to his bed and cried. I feel the same way...do you think he's too young to have him treated for seasonal affective disorder??? :)

Six and one to grow on

Dear Peyton,

Saturday you turned six. It's only fitting that I am late posting this because you love to torture me with "are we late yet?" anytime we have to leave the house. Generally we are and you love to remind me.

Your mind never stops. You frequently tell me your "head hurts from thinking too much" or that you "couldn't sleep because you were thinking". You have an amazing thirst for knowledge. You love to sit in the bathroom while I get ready and ask me a million questions. At night you like to curl up on my bed and have "deep talk" with me. When I don't have the answers you say "Google it".

You love music. You hear a song once and you know nearly all the words. You can not color without singing. You can not poop with out singing...but that's ok...at least you don't have to get butt naked anymore!

You have a killer sense of humor and are quiet the show off. This and your good looks have made you the rock star of the K set.

You are sensitive and caring. You are strong and brave. You are growing up so fast. I hold the tiny hand print ornament that you made for Christmas just after your first birthday and I am filled with such a wide range of emotion: Sorrow, longing, pride, happiness and wonder. You are an amazing young man and I am so proud to be on this journey with you. As much as I love you being my little boy-I look forward to seeing the man you will become.

All the love in my heart. Forever,
Mommy

It's official...he is NOT gay

Amonte really has had no interest in girls. He says he doesn't want to deal with the "drama". I think it's more of a self esteem issue. But then I started wondering...what if...HE'S GAY?

I would be ok with that. I mean I'm a liberal, I have lots of gay friends, it would be ok. Hopefully he would date a REALLY flamboyant gay man who liked to shop and he would be the perfect daughter in law. We could decorate their new house while Amonte sat on the couch grunting and playing PS2. When they adopt we would shop furiously for baby clothes and I would convince them to name their baby girl Roxy or Lola.

But then I got to thinking about the Internet porn he had been caught with. Thoughts of homosexuality lost. So I asked him flat out.."Are you gay?". Needless to say he did not find this funny...funny cause I wasn't trying to be funny. I was trying to keep an open dialogue..you know like they say you should do with teens. WTF? Teens don't want an open dialogue they want you to leave them the fuck alone and let them soak in all the porn the Internet has to offer.

Ok, I'm way off track now. Anyway, as I was trying to plan my life I asked him if he was going to homecoming on Friday...cause I really want to go to this scrapbook thing with the CLM and I need to know...NOW! He mumbled something about having to get a guest pass. A guest pass??? My heart skipped a beat. "For a girl?" I asked. He shot me a look that left a third degree burn right between my eyes (bye bye unibrow). "Who is she?" No answer....eventually mumbles something unintelligible and walks away. " Hey I need to know if your going with a GIRL because then you have to get her flowers and you are going to need something new to wear." No answer.

I'm pretty sure he is going with a girl. I'm pretty sure he is not gay. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to cart his ass to homecoming and skip scraping...which I'm pretty sure I will be bummed about. I'm pretty sure I will miss his future man-wife. I'm pretty sure that I'm relieved too.

Testosterone and the Teenage brain

Last night I heard the phone ring at about 9:30 but Amonte answered it and I thought nothing else about it. This morning when I got up late (as usual, remember I have no freaking alarm clock) I found the phone lying on the table beeping low battery. As I was hanging it up I noticed that 9:30 call was from my babysitter:

M-What did Andrea want last night?

A-Nothing

M-Ok, no message? (knowing Andrea wouldn't have called for nothing)

A-Oh. Yeah something about she has jury duty today.

M-ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS LAST NIGHT?

A-Why was is important? (Total blank look on his face)

Nothing like trying to find a babysitter at 6am. Thanks again to my dear mother for bailing my sorry ass out. Geesh..."was it important"?????? Are all those teenage hormones deleting brain cells????

Baby boys do grow up.

*Amonte entered the 10th grade on Tuesday. He of course over slept and missed the bus (yes on the very first day) and had to be taken to school. Silly me, I wanted to take a picture of him and he was all kinds of pissed off at me. It's hard enough that he is 15 and in High School, but then Peyton started kindergarten the very next day.

*We walked Peyton to the bus stop (and Mark got irritated with me for taking pics of him getting on the bus-I was holding everybody up) and then followed him to school. I swore I wouldn't cry but before I left the classroom I looked back at him sitting at his table...in his big boy clothes he picked him self...with the haircut he chose...looking like a little boy who was nervous and wanted his mom and I broke down. Cade took my hand and said "It's ok mom, me still a little boy". The he smiled and said "but me go to school next week then you just have Ava". Wow rub some salt in that wound Cade. The good news is-Peyton hates the long days and came home and told me he does NOT want to be grown up anymore. He does not want to be 15 or 81, he wants to be a baby boy again.

*Cade starts preschool on Tuesday. My boys are all growing up so fast. I see them changing right before my eyes, struggling to be a big boys when they are still so small, wanting independence but still wanting a hand to hold, needing their mom and disliking me for it. I know my job is to help them grow into strong independent men...but somedays I miss just holding them in my arms.