Change

Once again my blog has been sadly neglected. A casualty in the chaos of my life. I truly appreciate all of the kind e-mails making sure I am ok. I am-in fact-alive.

I had made it a practice not to air my marital dirty laundry on my blog. It seemed rather like a breech of trust. But any confidence I once had in my marriage has been shattered. After nine years, four rounds of counseling and two separations it has come to an end. We are getting a divorce. The children have been told, lines drawn in the sand, hopes for a lasting friendship lost.

I am angry. So very angry and resentful that the man I once loved so deeply would allow his job to become who he is. That he would choose a life of daily drudgery over his family. That he would turn to another woman. But more so I am angry at myself. That I could have been so blind. So stupid. That I once again chose the wrong man.

It is raw. Painful beyond words. I have sobbed until every bone in my body ached. Till I felt I could no longer breathe. Not because I love him...but because my children do. Their hurt confusion is worse than any wounds I have suffered.

But I have to live. I have to get up each day and move forward. Be strong. Even when I feel weak and small. Luckily, I have great friends and family to help me-us-through this. Who understand my desire for a fresh start and are willing to grant me their blessing even if they think I am making a mistake.

And a fresh start is on it's way. The first week of July the kids and I are moving to Seattle. Where we can begin to heal and hopefully blossom. Where the past will become a faint shadow....

You Rock My Socks Off

I wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for your overwhelming support in the piracy of my blog post. It really meant a lot to me and Amonte. I am ever so happy to share with you that the post has been removed...no thanks to Google or my hate mail. Big Hugs and Kisses to Charles at Gajillian. You're a blogger girls dream come true!

Pretty in Pink

After a long night of screaming and tears I called a friend that works for an Orthopedic Dr and begged an appointment. Turns out her arm was actually broken. Huh. So much for x-rays being read by 2 Dr.s and a Radiologist. She is now sporting a hot pink cast and a sassy attitude to boot. The pain is much better controlled in the plaster restraint so she is feeling more like herself. But extra bossy. Extra demanding and extra pitiful. It's going to be a long 3 weeks.

Shabby Baby Girl Broke Her Crown

When I saw the Picture Princess contest at shabby apple I knew I found the perfect model! Who you ask??? Why Her Majesty of course. Since I have no recent photo's that were anywhere good enough to enter I decided to take her outside today and use my limited photography skills to get some winning pictures. What I didn't plan on (obviously) was her Evil Knievil move over the side of the slide. We ended up in the ER with a dislocation and severe sprain of the left arm. She will have to spend the next 2 weeks in a sling. Nice job Mom. So here are my 3 entries. I have zero editing ability so she is as she is. Purely beautiful. ****UPDATE Her arm is actually broken and was casted this am****

Ava is the perfect shabby baby model. She is a total girly girl who loves to dress up-do her "put a ring on it" dance and keep her "bad boys" AKA her brothers in line. She's got mad curls, a zany sense of humor and a heart the size of Texas. If she doesn't win on beauty and personality alone she certainly is worthy of a shabby baby wardrobe after the trauma she went through just to enter!!!

So here she is!


I love this one even though her dorky brother gave her rabbit ears. Damn my missing Photoshop gene. ***Thanks Nicole for taking out the hand!!!!***


I debated on this one. She was grubbing on some chicken wings. "Bones" and had made quiet a mess but it really shows her curls and her eyes....and her love of good eats! ***Thanks Ashley for editing out the food on her face!!!***


Just for fun-Taken when we returned from the ER-sleepy on morphine.


And this is her favorite shabby dress "little girls and girls dresses from shabby baby". Wouldn't she be perfect in it? Minus the barbecue sauce or arm sling of course!!!


Keep your fingers crossed for her!

1337 Gangsta Love

This past weekend was Amonte's state level BPA convention. Sadly, he did not make it to nationals. In computer security he missed going to the next round by two measly questions. Then to make matters worse the high score in round two was only like a 48. He placed 12 in Microsoft networking and the top 10 go nationals. However, if 2 people drop out then he can go in their place. This also means he misses out on the church mission trip to Jamaica. It is the same week as nationals and he had to choose one over the other month's ago because of deadlines. So he is a bit bummed that he gets to do neither. He did have a good time though and got out more than he has in months. Plus I think he may have met a girl-but talking to him about that is a total nonversation. Judging from the pictures there were some hawt little nerds there. Anyone is better than hickey girl.

The Brazen Bull

I have never been even remotely excited about the idea of torturing someone. Until now. I would love to take the inventor of Day Light Savings and hang him by his toenails, naked, over a vat of popping hot bacon grease. Even that may be too kind.

Seriously. Did this "person" ever stop to consider the impact on child sleep patterns and thus a mother's sanity??? After failing to fall asleep at a decent hour on Sunday and having to be drug out of bed on Monday-Peyton has turned into a complete and total beast. Unlike a normal sleepy child who gets whiny or lays around-Peyton gets manic.

Last evening was spent with him antagonizing everyone in the house for hours. Burping in his sisters face, calling Cade names, hiding peoples things, throwing stuff, farting on the dog, squealing like a pig, banging on doors...the list goes on. Each episode followed by tearful apologies and then the mayhem resumed.

I expected him to pass out as soon as his head hit the pillow but instead he spent nearly two hours playing the drums on his bunkbed rails and singing Nickleback songs at the top of his lungs. Tonight he is in rare form again. He just inhaled 5 hot dogs and is now trying to erase everything that I type.

Pray. Pray for that evil, sadistic, master of time. Because I plan to do things to him that Amnesty International has never dreamed of.

The Future Bachelor

Cade: I broke up with Zellie today. *Completely calm*
Me: Really? Why?
Cade: She coughed on my food! That is so nasty.
Me: Wow!
Cade: Yeah and she cried like a big baby!!! *Giggling*
Me: Well someday a girl will break up with you and you'll cry like a big baby.
Cade: No I won't! *Laughing* I'll just go get another girlfriend!

Apparently he and Jason have more in common then I would like to believe. Run Molly. Run.

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK

I randomly search the Internet for new information on Amonte's disease (Steatocystoma Multiplex) in hope of finding a new treatment. My search often includes blogs. Imagine my surprise when I came across this blog. With multiple copies of an entire post of mine copied by an author named Your Body Sucks. Word for word.

I find this disturbing on so many levels. First of all, when you do a blog search for SM this is the very first post that come up. Someone searching for assistance, information or maybe friendship is led directly to this asshole. Secondly, he apparently finds the pain and suffering of others something to be used for his own amusement. Third, Blogger makes it a bit difficult to deal with this. I will have to file an infringement notification and wait for their response. I did leave a comment requesting that MY post be removed within 48 hours. Doubtful he will comply.

I have always been very open on my blog, especially when it comes to Amonte's illness. I have been spammed, ridiculed, lectured and criticized. But I have always felt that if anyone else could benefit from what we are dealing with-if anyone found comfort knowing they weren't alone-if anything good could come from his pain...then pouring my heart out to total strangers is worth it. I refuse to censor myself now. Or ever.

Feel free to overload his inbox with hate mail on my behalf. Fucker.

The Return of the Azzdate

This kid can't get a break. Mid January Amonte got signed off of daily wound care from his September surgery. A week later a new cyst appeared on his leg and a cluster of them on his tail bone. Amonte is getting really good at recognizing the symptoms before they even appear so it was caught fairly early. Easy surgery, able to close with sutures, no wound care. One week later another one in his groin. Surgery this week did not go quiet as well. The cyst had grown significantly and started draining. This makes it much more difficult to remove the cyst and wall intact. The surgeon was able to place sutures in the lower level but had to leave the top layer open in hopes of preventing an abscess. Although this will not require major wound care it will still need a daily dressing for the drainage and the healing will be significatly delayed. He was much more painful this time and the anesthiologist apparently did not medicate him for nausea so he spent most of the night post surgery puking. Lovely.

Amonte seems to be holding up fairly well under all of this. He is depressed which I would expect and it has taken a major toll on his social life. But somehow he is still able to make jokes and look towards the future. I am not coping as well. I'm totally overwhelmed and angry. Really, really angry. I feel totally alone and helpless.

I know it could be worse. I know that this is a lifelong condition. I know that he has had surgery before. I know he will have surgery again. Knowing it does not make it easier. Every time is as difficult as the first. And I imagine it will continue to be.

The future of Rock N Roll

Yesterday in the car:

Peyton: We started a band at school.

Me: Cool! What kind of band?

Peyton: Well. I got fired.

Me: Fired? Why?

Peyton: Robbie fired me cause I asked for day off. He said "no" so I kept running away and I got fired. He wants to work everyday mom!

Dear god. Everyday???? What are his parents teaching this kid???

Ready For My Close Up

The ever so lovely witchypoo is taking part in Maria's Got Questions. Burning ones. And lots of 'em. I begged her to interview me so that I could have something to blog about. After some serious whining and bribery she finally agreed.

1. If you had paid help at home, which area would you choose it to be applied? (Cooking/cleaning/laundry/child care). This is a hard one. As you know from my previous post I suffer from true domestic zeroism. It truly is a handicap. I would certainly love help with cleaning and my metric ton of laundry. If I had help with those I would not need childcare. Besides, I actually do enjoy my children and would much prefer to be with them over doing household chores. I would have to say for cooking. I don't particularly enjoy cooking-nor am I very good at it. It would be nice to have home cooked meals without the stress and mess. God knows we would eat better if someone else was cooking!
2. What do you do to get away and do something just for you? I don't get away very often and when I do it is usually to run errands. On occasion I do go out with friends for lunch or dinner. The only me time that I regularly take is a scheduled date with my hairdresser. I spend two hours letting him pamper me. I always leave feeling pretty and refreshed. Gay men tend to have that affect on a girl.
3. What's your fondest childhood memory? The house I grew up in had a large front porch that faced an open field. During rain storms I would wrap up in a quilt and watch them roll in across the field. The lightening would fill the sky-the rain pounding on the tin roof-the smell of renewal.
4. Who's your imaginary boyfriend? *snort* Now just why does witchy think he's imaginary??? No really. I don't have one real or imaginary. But if I had to pick he would be a combination of Jack Black, David Beckham, Daniel Craig and Barack Obama. That could either be really hot...or really scary.
5. How do you see yourself in five years from now? In five years all of my children will be in school full time...Amonte hopefully in college and on his own! I should return to work full time...but most likely I will devote myself to being crafty or further my education. In what? I have no clue. Maybe in textiles...

Want to be part of it? Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

OOOOhhhh NNNNooo!!!!

That is what I have heard for the past four days. None Stop. Her Majesty is in the hospital. Cade has strep. Amonte has to have surgery. Blogging to resume when crisis has passed.

Someone call me a cab..

I think I have finally found my true calling in life. I have been contemplating a career change for a while now-but wasn't really sure what I wanted to do when I grew up. Then, while driving in my crushed goldfish covered minivan, listening to the same Rage Against the Machine song for the 20th consecutive time, expertly opening juice boxes with one hand while breaking up sibling violence with the other-it dawned on me. I was born to be a taxi driver. Not just any ole taxi driver-cause that would blow-but the one on that cool ass game show Cash Cab.

Seriously with my resume???

• Take Amonte to career center-back to headquarters
  
• Take Peyton to Dr
• Take Peyton to lunch
• Take Peyton to school-back to headquarters
  
• Pick Amonte up from school (he's not ready & I should mention goes to school in a different district)-back to headquarters
  
• Pick Peyton up from school-back to headquarters
  
• Pick Amonte up from school again-back to headquarters
  
• Take Amonte to drivers training-back to headquarters
  
• Pick up Amonte from Drivers training-back to headquarters

And I do all of this movin' while being witty and throwin out some real brain benders! The only bitch is I can't dump them out on the street when they miss three in a row.

• What did you do today?
  
• What did you eat for snack?
• Who did you sit with at lunch?
• Why can't you leave your sister alone?
• Have you lost your mind?
• Do I look like I just fell off a Christmas tree?

Don't get me wrong. I think Ben is an awesome host-but I could bring something unique to the show. Discovery Channel beware. I'm sending a demo tape.

When Ugly ruins Hope

For the record I am not an "inner city dweller" or an "idiot college kid". Nor were 98% of the people who worked on the Obama campaign. Statistically, he was voted into office by hard working, middle class, middle aged, Americans. I support freedom of speech. I respect people with differing opinions.We can disagree and both be right. I generally try to find some common ground. Unity. That is-unless-you are a freaking idiot. If you want to really know what is wrong with America read this. Proof that racism and ignorance are still alive and well. Somethings may never Change.

A Day Like No Other

Eight years ago if you had told me that I would be beating on doors in the pouring rain and blowing up phone lines for anything even remotely resembling politics I would have rolled on the floor laughing until my mother of four bladder burst. While I followed politics, I never had any desire to be involved.

Watching our nation falling to pieces around me-I was desperate for a change. Initially, I was a Hillary supporter. But as I followed Barack Obama -I was increasingly drawn to him. Not just because he is hot and I bet he smells good. Not just for his easy sense of humor and killer smile. Not for his obvious compassion and fatherly abilities. Not just for his complete lack of ego or his amazing intelligence. But because he is so incredibly genuine.

I had the pleasure of seeing Barack Obama speak in Battle Creek this summer. A time I will never forget. Surrounded by an amazingly diverse crowd. All with a single goal. He said at the rate we were going there would be nothing left for our children. He said he wanted to build a better future for ALL OF OUR children. As his motorcade went by our car and he caught our thrown kisses-I believed him. Whole heartedly.

Today is a fresh start. Today is a new page in our history. Today is a time to embrace change. Today puts the past behind us. Today it is safe to dream-to hope-for our future and our children's.

The Rumor Mill

At different periods of my life I have been the subject of much gossip. Some deserved and some not so much. It pretty much came to a screeching halt several years ago-when I went and got all domesticated. However, over the past few months I am once again a hot topic of conversation. I'm like a freaking celebrity. I half expect to see my picture sans panties on the front of Big Medicines monthly newsletter. The sad thing is that NONE of it and I mean NONE of it is even remotely true. Not only that but the reporter is a so called friend. Yeah. Can everyone say "High school" with me?

In my younger years I may have drank too much and got all up in her grill. But now that I'm grown up (maybe that is a stretch) I tend to take a deep breath, get all zen and let it go. This particular bit of drama is not only outrageous but could potentially damage my career. Not sure that would be any great loss but a paycheck sure is swell. So it must be addressed.

I would have thought that at this point in my life this is the last thing I would be dealing with. Apparently though some people never out grow it. Maybe because they have never been held accountable for their bullshit. Perhaps they don't realize the impact that their tales have. Maybe they do know and they just don't care. What ever.

The fact is that most gossipers will deny to their last breath that they said a solitary word. I think that speaks highly to someone character. I learned the hard way-if you say it-you own it. I live by that. Too bad others don't.

Frag this

Her Majesty has learned a bitch of a life lesson. She has had her first heart break. Her first taste of rejection.

Ava loves to stay up till her "stinky daddy" comes home from work. This is when they have their bonding time. The other night Ava got all dolled up for the event. She put on her little mermaid panties, purple and brown striped knee highs, a strawberry shortcake pj top and some major hair accessories. She was pretty sure she was irresistible. Daddy greeted her with the mandatory "oooohhhh's", "aaahhh's", hugs and kisses. Sadly, Ava was in my arms a mere 5 minutes later sobbing. Clearly devastated.

• Me: Ava! What's wrong baby?

• Ava: *Sobb* Daaaaddy

• Me: What did daddy do?

• Ava: STUPID GAME!!!!
  

Enough said. Daddy got new video games for Christmas. Knee highs and Hello Kitty hair clips are no competition for fragging some newb with a boomstick. Sorry baby girl.

I love Nerds!

Amonte is an official member of the nerd herd and I couldn't be prouder. Last year after spending too many hours redundantly watching Hackers he decided to test his own skills and got busted cracking the schools computer. Here is a tip: watching a movie about hacking while high on pain meds is not a recipe for success.

So this year he enrolled in business technology at the career center with plans to gain experience in computer security...which hopefully will not be used in a life of crime or to change a girls grades. I'm not sure if his hacking skills have improved but he is learning something. Yesterday he went to a regional competition and placed for states in two categories. He also got to wear a suit, look all pimp and dance the soldia boy.

He came home so full of life. It was great to see him happy and dressed in something that included a belt. March is states...wish him luck!!!

It's all about me

Well after much debate I have decided to make a resolution this year after all. But I'm not calling it a resolution because that would guarantee my failure-it's more of a lifestyle change. This year I plan to make myself a priority...something I have not been very good at lately (or maybe ever). It's time to put my oxygen mask on first.

1. Be more fashionable. So what if I can't run the 50 yard dash after a toddler in those hot heels. I'm wearing the bitches anyways.
2. Take up gardening. I hear it's relaxing-my yard looks like crap and medical marijuana is legal in Michigan now.
3. Have a regular date night. Notice I did not say with who.
4. Be more spiritual. Stop using the lords name in connection with pirate talk.
   
5. Paint my nails...with something other than markers and finger paint.
6. Get my stuff organized. Toss all Mark's shit out so I have more room.
7. Lose weight. Start saving money for liposuction.
8. Karma repair. No more voodoo dolls.
   
9. Eat better. Cupcakes. Not sheet cakes.
   
10. Girls nights out. Perfect binge drinking skills.
11. Daily reminder to self: Winter is not an excuse to be a yeti.
12. Get in shape. Carry larger, heavier, handbag.
13. Put the past behind me. Have my colon cleansed. This may also help with #6.
14. Align my energy field. Have an MRI...wearing earrings.
15. Be happy. Or heavily medicated.
    

There. That should make a wonderful, new, relaxed, fabulous me. What do you think?

Success in 2008

So, last year I set my goals pretty high for the new year. I was successful at a few...

1. Live dangerously: Stop wearing panties and be sure everyone with a camera phone knows it. Learn to swallow fire.
2. Education: Learn to swear proficiently in 5 foreign languages.
3. Eat better: Scrape the icing of my cake.
4. Do something for my community: Invest in industrial amount of Depo-provera. Dump into community water system...cause people in these here parts should not be breeding like they are.
5. Do something for the environment: Buy a mini horse. Use it as a lawn mower. Compost it's waste in my neighbors yard. Hey if Rob and Big can have one so can I.
6. Reduce my spending: Shoplift on a regular basis.
7. Exercise: Find an 18 year old boyfriend and have LOTS of sex.
8. Loose weight: Get breast enhancement to give appearance that waist is smaller. Set scale back 30 pounds.
9. Be more proactive at work: Staple the tongues of all pediatricians who refuse to do frenulectomies to the floor of their mouths.
10. Be a better person: Have my meds increased. Keep the voices in my head inside my head.
    
11. Be a better wife: Let him have a girlfriend...then he won't care about what I won't do.
12. Travel more: Tour all local public restrooms. Set up a website with a rating system for other travelers with small bladders.
13. Read more: Get subscriptions to US, People and In Touch.
14. Care more about my appearance: Shave my legs before the hair is so long I can braid it.
15. Take up a new hobbie: Learn to cast spells. May my enemies grow extreme amounts of long, thick, coarse nipple hair.

Of course I am not going to tell you which ones. *Sigh* Now what to do this year?

17 Wonders

Dear Amonte-
You have to admit while this birthday is not exactly stellar it is by far better than last year. 2008 is in the past. It was a year that has forever changed your life. It brought with it pain and despair. But I hope that you can also see the wonders it held. Amidst all of the hopelessness- strangers reached out to you, answers were revealed, you built a relationship with Christ and found a strength and passion inside yourself that I don't think you knew existed. I hope that 17 brings you comfort, healing and much deserved peace and joy.
Happy Birthday. You're still my McLovin.
Mommy