Gag me with a giant spoon.

Last week witchypoo tagged people for helpful household hints and neglected me. I think this is because she knows I am the Goddess of Domestic Zeroism. I think she mind travels through my laundry room. Yikes. So any who, she sensed my hurt and tagged me for 6 quirky things about me. Me quirky?

1. Most of my quirks have to do with food. Those of you who know me are probably snickering right now. Stop it cause you look ugly when you do that and your face may freeze that way.
2. I have a major fear of mushrooms. Just typing the word makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. This is a RATIONAL fear people. They are a FUNGUS. They get HUGE. They have HAIR. They grow in moldy, dirty dank, stinky places. Ewww.
3. I prefer divided plates. I can not eat food that is touching. I especially hate it if their "juices" run together. Gag me.
4. I do not eat any food in a scoop form except for ice cream. You know how they use an ice cream scoop for mashed potatoes or mac n cheese and it's all in a little ball? BARF.
5. I do not eat gravy. Period. It is used to disguise nastiness.
6. I do not eat lumps of any sort. Nothing smooth should be lumpy. It is a law. Obey it.

This is only the beginning of what I lovingly refer to as my "food rules". Any one wanna make me dinner?

Kitchen Science

CAUTION: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. The following experiment was done in a controlled environment under the supervision of a professional.

Subject: Adorable. Nearly two. Known to have an attitude.

Environment: Cramped Kitchen.

Study Participants: Frustrated mother, antagonizing siblings, begging dog.

Procedure: Place subject into highchair while kicking and screaming. Provide her with glass of milk. Place bowel of Spaghettios (which antagonizing siblings have requested for nourishment) on tray. Turn back on subject.

Outcome: Sippy cup of milk thrown on floor in 2 seconds flat. Lips in pout position. One bite of Spaghettios placed in subjects mouth. Frustrated mother turn back. Loud thud followed by hysterical laughter and dog running from under high chair.

Conclusion: A bowel of Spaghettios tossed off a high chair at maximum velocity by subject will produce a splatter pattern of 10 feet high and approximately 5 feet wide. This will induce antagonizing siblings into fits of laughter which they are unable to recover from. Begging dog will have quick and easy meal. Subject will be satisfied.

Side note: Splatter not instantly cleaned will have to be scrubbed off at a later time. I do mean SCRUBBED.