Saturday, September 8, 2007

What the hell have I done to deserve this?

My day basically started at 1 am. Up with Ava. Up again at 2:30 when Mark got home from work. Up at 3:30 to let Norm out. Up at 5 to pee. Up at 6 with Cade who as usual was demanding, loud and unpleasant...of course waking his sister. Everyone wanted a different breakfast. We were out of milk and even worse I was out of Coke. I wrestled everyone in the bathtub and hated myself for having not done it last night but I was to freakin tired.
Drove to Grass Lake for a soccer meeting only to find out after 2 hours of sitting in a hot room being humiliated by my children's rotten behavior that I was NOT the only parent willing to coach and that in actuality there are only 2 families on our team. My boys and 3 of Holly Frey's boys. Who needs a coach? So I was hot, pissed, tired and hungry by the time we left there and so were the kids. Ava passed out in the care only to have the boys wake her up as soon as we got home.
I got Peyton ready to go have his pics taken by Nicole with Cade crying the whole time because he couldn't go. Peyton was great for Nicole and announced in the car that he wants to marry her...but 5 minutes later he was whining, pouting and beating his brother with a playstation controller.
I should have just given up then. But no, my stupid ass decides to take them all to the Crossing to get school shoes for Cade, dog food and diapers. What the HELL was I thinking? I'll spare you all of the gory details: there was crying, screaming, name calling, shoving, running and general mayhem. I became so enraged that I left a full cart in Target and went home with nothing. By that time I was so frustrated I screamed at them all the way home like some type of disturbed mental case. *Sigh*
I feel like such a bitch now. I knew they were tired and hungry but I had my own agenda. I always think we can do something without drama and it never happens. I have these unrealistic expectations of what my life should be. I need to just come to terms with the fact that it is what it is. My kids are not perfect nor will they ever be and punishing them for my own stupidity is just...well...stupid. Add all this to my guilt complex. God, now I'll never sleep tonight.

1 comment:

  1. Awww yuck, I'm sorry your evening was so cruddy! Hopefully the session was a little sunshine on your cloudy day (omg that is so gay HAHAH!). Well, I'm going to post a sneak peek of P's pictures on my photo blog. Hopefully that will cheer you up. :)


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