The worst is yet to come

Let me start by saying that I truly and deeply love all of my children. However, I will admit to having moments when I do not especially like them. I can deal with Amonte constantly moving in slow motion. I can handle Peytons smart ass mouth and energy. I can cope with Ava's refusal to speak and her OCDish habits. But Cade pushes me to my breaking point on nearly a daily basis.

He has been "hard to love" since the day he was born. He was not a particularly cute newborn (although he turned into an adorable baby!), he cried nonstop and never seemed to be content. As he grew this did not change. Cade is loud, demanding and whiny. He is aggressive and can say extremely hurtful things. He knows every button to push. Nothing I say or do ever seems to appease him. He seems to take the greatest pleasure in ruining even the smallest things for everyone. Even simple tasks are a great strain when Cade is involved. I have lost my patience totally with him on more than one occasion and said and done things that I never believed myself capable of.

Cade scares me. He brings out the worst in me and exposes every single one of my weaknesses, my flaws. I feel helpless and tired. Nothing in me seems to instinctively know how to handle him. Nothing I have read has given me any confidence. What's so hard is that he truly is a very sweet, loving, funny, smart little boy. He is probably the most affectionate of all my children and certainly the most sensitive. I feel like his exceptional qualities get overlooked so often because his negative behavior is so in your face.

I love him and am so proud of him in so many ways...so why is it still so hard?