Sunday, March 2, 2008

I have a wedgie

I have seriously had my panties in a wad all day. I did have a nice, happy, ray of sunshine post planned but I am so not in the mood. My mother always told me if I didn't have anything nice to say I should keep my mouth shut. But I feel like venting. Since my freaking kids don't listen to me I guess you'll have to.

  • Does it not bother anyone else that our home is a total pigsty??? How do you just continue to live in this house and ignore it? Why is all the cleaning my responsibility? Have you people no shame?
  • Amonte is still sleeping. He stayed up till 7 am. He has been ignoring his school work and trying to start bullshit between me and the sperm donor.
  • I can't stand people that think just because they made the rules that the rules don't apply to them.
  • I seriously need Nanny 911. My kids are out of control. They are making me totally insane. I feel like a referee in a cage match.
  • I'm going to rip Norm's voice box out if he doesn't SHUT UP.
  • I'm completely and totally broke.
  • Again with the housework. The laundry is piled up, the sink is full of dishes and the trash is full. Nobody. Cares.
  • I have a meeting at work tomorrow that I do not even want to begin to deal with.
  • Why do I even bother to cook when nobody will eat it?
  • How come it's never my day to sleep in?
See I told you I was on a mission today...and it's not even shark week. Can you imagine what I bitch about when it is. And before you going feeling sorry for my kids that they were stuck at home all day let me give you the run down on them:
  • 2 poopy diapers
  • 1 refusal to wipe own butt
  • 3 baths
  • bathroom flooded x 2
  • snacks, snacks and more snacks
  • screams of "I'm hungry" only to turn their noses up at dinner
  • 1 lazy ass teenager snoring in my chair
  • numerous time outs
  • dog food all over the kitchen floor
  • danimals all over the carpet
  • 100 tattles
  • 6 meltdowns
  • 1 short nap
  • a daughter covered head to toe in push up pop who then climbed in my bed
  • teenagers socks in living room floor
  • 2 searches for missing game boy
  • stop breathing on me, stop looking at me
  • poop humor all day long
  • the new name to call is "ugly mutt"
  • 1 pack of shredded diaper wipes
  • 1 box of wheat thins newly opened dumped in the garbage can
  • 1 girl covered in ink moments after bath
  • transformer picked up from paint your own pottery last night now has broken arm
  • 1 smashed lipstick
  • whining. whining and more whining.
Do you want me to keep going? Or are you ready to drink yet. That sounds like a good idea. I have one tiny 6 oz bottle of wine left. I'm a light weight so that should do. Cheers.


  1. Darlin, don't you wish you could implant a chip behind the ear of each of the offenders, and when they mess up, you give em a little shock with a remote?
    Then, when you're just feeling evil, do it randomly, heh, heh.
    Evil fantasies got me through lots.

  2. Just breathe!!!
    And then lock yourself in the bathroom for a while with a good book and some Calgon.
    I'm sorry you are having a bad day.

  3. I'd say go and enjoy the wine! You deserve it! I hope tomorrow goes better! Sleep well in your wine induced coma!

  4. those freakin danimals! don't buy them, girl!

  5. Jump in the tub with the wine Zoe!
    Hope you get a good nights sleep.

  6. I saw on the Today show last week where a mom went on "Strike" from her boys ages range from 12-17, 4 of them because she was sick of being disrespected and mistreated...unfortunately..they arrested her...those bastards!

  7. Yes, yes, yes! Reading all of that definitely makes me want to drink. Please take a swig or two for me!

    And I am with Amy . . . darn CPS.

  8. I like the "going on strike" method. Maybe you could do it in such a way that wouldn't get you arrested.

    I am forever wondering "Am I the only person who can see the piles of toys, clothes, stuff in the middle of the floor?" It took 10 years of living together, but now I start most weekend days with "Honey, what's on your agenda?" When he has nothing, I then list the 5 things I expect him to accomplish that day. He's warned. Failing will result in really grumpy wife.

    How about bark collars... for EVERYBODY. We used them on our out-of-control barking dogs--AFTER we had tested them on ourselves to make sure it wasn't actually torture. Worked like a charm and kept our neighbors from burning our house down.

    You deserve the wine. And much, much more!

  9. Oh, so you're the resident house bitch too, huh? I don't understand how the heathens that coexist in my residence can stand to live in the filth they create. And, I agree...when the hell is it my turn to sleep in?!? Bryan's in for it when he gets home in a couple of weeks!

  10. just reading this gave me a headache. in fact i had to skim a little through the last list... that's craziness. leave them all with mark and get a pedicure. or to save money, maybe just to the mall and take a nap on a bench. :)

  11. i am exhausted reading this. i hope you have been enjoying the wine without the whine. :)

  12. I hate dirty sock on the floor more than anything. Drives me bonkers. I find the boy in the couch cushions too, yuk. The girl shreds the wipes to. I have to put them out of reach. she got a hold of a box of kleenex today though. I feel the same way you do you do everything for everyone and no one gives a rat's ass. I've let the house go to pot and have ended up cleaning it all up myself anyway. Have a drink and breath out and try not to kill any one:)

  13. vent to us anytime girl! we are here for you. hang in there... when do they turn 18? =)

  14. Uh yeah, poop humor was in the air here too! Couldn't even escape it when I took the girls shopping, still leaked from Lydia's mouth!
    By lastnight, I was just smiling like a wildcat because I end up loving Mondays!

  15. Zoe.

    Hope your wine was delicious.

    Have a great Monday. See you soon.

  16. hmm and I thought I was the only one. My new catch-phrase seems to be "Am I your maid??!!" Between the husband (supposedly a grown-up) who seems to have confused the bathroom floor/closet with the washing machine, and the kids who think that every floor/surface/wall is their playroom/coloring book, I will soon be going crazy. Literally. I may have to whine like my little one, "Noooo body loves me anymore..." Geez....

  17. Sounds like a rough day. Deep breath, step one... do the most important thing first. Have a glass of wine while you cook dinner and do homework. Hope you get things under control. My day to sleep in is Saturday.

  18. A 6 oz does it? Damn! You clearly need to drink way, way more often!

  19. Wow Zoe...what craziness. Hope you enjoyed your wine..and that things calmed down a bit

  20. Holy crap. I am going to return to this post again and again...namely when I feel ready to lose my shite because...dang woman, that is a lot to endure in one day.

  21. That is a pretty crappy day! I'd be ticked too! Hope things get better and that someone else steps up to the plate for once!

  22. And you haven't killed your husband, why? Oh right--The insurance. Sheesh, the price you pay for insurance these days.

    I hope today was better.

  23. This is why you need the weekend away sister!! Hope you are able to still come and enjoy yourself and relax stress free from the kids!

  24. OMG, it sounds like you had a "day." I have had those before and I bet you were so drained. Did you get that glass of wine in before you passed out?


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